Twenty Til’ Midnight

The Wooing of my soul....

2012-01-14T07:45:00.000-06:00

“My beloved responded and said to me,

‘Arise, my darling, my beautiful one,

And come along.

‘For behold, the winter is past,

The rain is over and gone.

‘The flowers have already appeared in the land;

The time has arrived for pruning the vines,

And the voice of the turtledove has been heard in our land.

‘The fig tree has ripened its figs,

And the vines in blossom have given forth their fragrance.

Arise, my darling, my beautiful one,

And come along!’”

Song of Solomon 2:10-13

I am not sure if I have every read the above scriptures until today, but I will say Holy Spirit never read them to me until today. I was just amazed at the intimate way the words spoke to my heart. In my widowhood I find I miss the private conversations with my husband above all else. Those moments of sharing about our day, how a certain scripture just made us go WOW… the sweet nothings husbands and wives should be sharing with each other and no other. I have learned through experience if the person you turn to first when the bad and the good occur in your life is not your spouse, things will not remain the same after the passion of the flesh wears off. I said all that to say this… I feel I am being wooed by Father God, not in the way man sees wooing but a wooing of my heart and spirit to come closer to Him. A wooing that says He wants to share some of the secrets of His heart with me. A wooing that says, I know your circumstances are grim at the moment… but truly child I want the best for you. My house may be one step away from foreclosure, the electric bill may be almost half of my total monthly income… yet HIS words speaks to the real need in me… to know my true worth in His love. To know He is faithful and all will be okay in His timing, not mine. The word says to seek first His Kingdom and all else will be added, it is hard to do that when the circumstance of life are chasing you down and demanding pay me! Yet He says yes child seek Me first, even in the lack, even in the need seek ME!!!! Arise out of the ashes and seek ME… Arise my beloved and follow ME. I think I will accept this invitation to be intimate with my Father God.

O Ye of little faith...

2011-12-10T12:20:00.001-06:00

In my last blog I wondered aloud if we “the saints of God” stuff some of our emotions as we are afraid they will reflect badly on God. Now I am sure there were a few of you solid to the core and steadfast saints who were thinking…”no she is worried it will reflect badly on her, and she should not be blaming God for her immaturity... O Ye of little faith”. Not to worry I was not offended by your silence, I hope you were not offended by my thinking out loud. I have tossed this idea around for a few days and I am still wondering if we are doing ourselves and others in the body of Christ a disservice by not dealing with this issue more openly. I by no means want to imply I have a solution to this enormous problem but maybe if just a few of us “saints” admitted aloud this simply truth... our heart, mind and spirit don’t always line up at the same time every time something bad happens in our world and sing hallelujah... maybe we could spare a few new believers some unnecessary pain and condemnation. Being a woman who was never afraid of causing drama in her past (rather enjoyed it at times to be honest) I am going to blog about this a little more so here are a few of my thoughts on the subject. The one verse I have most often pondered on in the last 8 months is Job 13:15

“ Though He slay me, I will hope in Him. Nevertheless I will argue my ways before Him.”

We who have been around the “church” for more than a minute have heard this great statement of faith. We mutter it under our breath in our moments of personal disaster, we chant it as if the longer we say it, we will instantly feel the same way (a poof of insta faith for you and me), we even use it as some kind of prayer when dealing with difficult people. But do we really have a true concept of what suffering is on the level of what Job experienced? I don’t believe until you have experienced the loss of a child or a beloved spouse do you even come close to understanding his anguish, loss of this kind is the most personal of losses. I also believe we miss a BIG step in the process of how Job went from his loss to the moment of being able to utter this great statement of absolute faith and hope in God. The first 11 or so chapters of Job consist of God giving Job over to the devil for testing, Job’s loss, his despair, depression, questions of why God why and his loving friends explaining to him how he somehow must have brought this on himself. It isn’t until we get to Chapter 12 that Job really starts coming to a place of understanding that God is still God and finally in Chapter 13 he is able to declare in the mist of his disaster his faith and hope in this God who has let the devil have his way with him. Go read it for yourself… I personally was blown away. If Job took a few days or 13 Chapters to get to this place why are we as the body of Christ afraid to admit even for a second we have moments where we like Job say:

For what I fear comes upon me, And what I dread befalls me. “I am not at ease, nor am I quiet, And I am not at rest, but turmoil comes.” (Job 3:25-26)

“Therefore I will not restrain my mouth; I will speak in the anguish of my spirit, I will complain in the bitterness of my soul. (Job7:11)

“Have I sinned? What have I done to You, O watcher of men? Why have You set me as Your target,

So that I am a burden to myself? (Job 7:20)

I want to think I am special and one of a kind, but even my ego is not big enough to think that I am the only one who has felt this way. I know I am not the first women who has lost her husband in the prime of their lives and didn’t lay down and say okay God now what; and EXCUSE ME, but don’t You think this is just a bit unfair! Does this make me an immature believer? A faithless child of God? A backslider? Or a threat to the body of Christ in general? No I think it shows I am just what I am… a woman who loved her husband and misses him. I heard something shortly after losing my husband… “what do you do when your circumstances do not line up with your theology? You need to stop asking God why and start asking where is He in your circumstance.” I think this is what Job did and I think it is what I am doing as strange as it may appear to some. I am not afraid to ask why or where, no more than I believe HE is afraid of the question. I like Job have come to a place of trusting that though HE may slay me I will trust HIM, the GREAT I AM. HE is big enough to handle my hurt and love me (and not slay me) just as I am even when I dare question HIM. I am thinking ole Job knew that as well! I think that we as the body in general may fear such honest questioning of God because we don’t have the answers in the natural to fix such anguish. We on some level are still unable to wrap our finite minds around an infinite God that can handle not only the questions, the anguish, and the feeling of betrayal yet still be able and willing to love and heal that very anguish and then use that same child to pass the lesson on to others just as He used Job to pass it on to us!

Things that make me go………. HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!

There are going to be bad days!

2011-12-08T00:36:00.000-06:00

There are going to be bad days… there is no other way to say it. One thing I have learned in dealing with cancer and losing my husband is that there are going to be bad days. I had one of those days today… I have lost a lot in the last year and it appears that the loses are not done just yet. I have spewed my emotional hurt and ugliness all over fb and then I tried to turn it into some type of lesson for others to learn from. But the simple truth is… I had a bad day. Grief is funny like that it will not fit into a neat little time frame, a certain outline or even into one’s own theology at times. It just is what it is… unreasonable pain because of the loss of a loved one. In my case the loss of my soul mate and the gentlest / strongest man I ever met. I have many issues in my life at the moment I have no control of and the one person who I always depended on to help me walk through the unknown with is now gone and I feel so alone. I call around looking for answers from friends and family, yet none of the answers I hear satisfy the hole in my heart… because it is not what I am really looking for. What I am looking for I can longer have on this earth… his laugh to ease my way, his smile to tell me even in messes of my own creation I am loved, his hand to hold in the dark that reassures me even when it appears the whole world has gone to hell in a hand basket I am not alone. I heard something earlier this evening that messed with my own theology… “give it to God be quiet and wait for Him to move.” Sound advice… advice I have given in the past, but here is the dilemma… I am a wounded woman who has just lost her husband and I have forgotten temporary how to trust. Grief will do that to you… many a mature saint may never admit it but I can’t believe I am the only woman who has ever yelled her feeling of betrayal out to God after the loss of her husband way sooner than she had planned. I have lost my place in this world… I am no longer his wife, I am now his widow… but each morning I wake still feeling as if I am a wife yet the man I want to be a wife to is now in Heaven and my heart breaks a new. I fully expected to grow old with my Bobby…not grow old missing him. We were supposed to grow old together, so old that one day the kids would have to take us out on our annual fishing trip to Natchez Trace. Now I feel as if I will never be able to go fishing again for fear of the pain of missing him it will bring. All the assurances of it will be okay, it will get better don’t always penetrate the fog of pain that surrounds my heart. Did I mention there are going to be bad days. There are no words to wrap around how it feels… each person is different in how they deal with their grief; but I am going to bet even the most mature of the mature saints have bad days. Sadly I wonder if we are so afraid it will reflect badly on God that we just stuff it instead of owning it for what it is. Funny thing is the Word clearly says… there will be trials and tribulations… so where is the line between just spewing and being honest about our emotions? I am trying to find the line even in the mist of the bad days…. I still have a deep desire to know I am not too far away from my Father’s will for my life even on the days I am not sure how much I trust Him. Maybe just maybe the admitting of my lack will help me better see the way in this new season of my life! My heart doesn’t understand… but my spirit still cries out to trust You Lord!

Life as I know it...

2011-11-26T20:08:00.001-06:00

I used to blog on a semi-regular basis but I noticed today the last blog I did was March 9, 2011. In that moment a rush of memories and emotions overwhelmed me. So much has changed since that day… on April 19, 2011 these words stop my life as I knew it…

“Mrs. Ammons your husband’s MRI showed a lesion on the bone in his upper right arm, he needs to see your primary care physician first thing in the morning and Mrs. Ammons please immobilize his arm as it is very fragile and the slightest bump could break it. I never planned to ever blog about this… but my spirit says the time is now… there may be some who this blog will upset (not my intent and I am sorry), make angry or even cause some to say I am a liar simply seeking attention. To those who will say what they say... I say this, if me baring my soul helps just one person, then it will be worth the scorn you may heap on me. If it upsets you because of your love for Bobby, our pain is temporary but we have an obligation to not let his death be in vain. We need to share with all who he was and why we loved him! This will be the first in a series of blogs that will deal with how I am learning to live after the death of my husband and the lessons God taught me while dealing with cancer even though I did not know it at the time.

Lesion is a nice euphemism for tumor… a tumor that turned out to be lung cancer that had moved from my husbands’ lung into his bones. Over the next 5 1/2 months we learned all kinds of new medical terms, we learned about chemo drugs & radiation about how much pain a human body can handle and finally we learned what happens when the body can no longer handle the pain or fight the evil we call cancer. My darling husband and I fought the good fight… we prayed and we believed for his healing, we followed his doctors’ orders and I and others made him miserable changing everything in his life trying desperately to find the right combination of food, faith and treatments to stop his cancer… it all failed. Somewhere along the way I stopped feeling, I stopped thinking and I simply stopped being me. Cancer became my normal, watching my husband suffer in pain and react to his meds was how I filled my days. I became a caregiver to the person I loved the most on this earth, yet I felt as helpless as I believe a person can as I realized I could not stop his cancer and more ill he became the more emotionless I got. I stopped feeling, I stopped thinking and at times I felt as if I stopped breathing…. Yet my body kept moving. I just did what I thought was best to do… somewhere along the way I started thinking if I was the best nurse maid, wife or whatever my title of the day was it would fix “it” and I could get my husband back.

But nothing worked… the moment he took his last breath I felt as if I had failed on a level that there would be no going back to life for me. I never felt as worthless in my life as I did in that moment… I had failed I had not done it right… cause if I had he would have survived his dance with the demon we call cancer. I made sure his funeral was just as he wanted, I did my duty and shook hands with people and said all the right things, I hope as I don’t remember most of it. The body kept moving the mind and the feeling part of me stayed frozen and for a while I thought I would stay that way for the rest of my life, part of me actually prayed I would stay numb as the thought of feeling frightened me. I was sure at the time if all that hurt ever came out it would overwhelm and destroy me.

But God had other plans and over the last few weeks I have felt angry, heartbroken, numb, hurt and loved sometimes all in one day. When the feelings first began to come back the stronger emotions had control… anger and hurt. I wanted to break something, cuss God (yes I said this out loud… He knew how I felt it didn’t shock Him in the least) or anyone who crossed my path. I lashed out at those deserving of it and sometimes those who didn’t. I floated thru for the first few weeks as I was able to hide away, and honestly since most people have no clue what to say to a woman who has lost her man, they tend to let one hibernate. As I was forced to deal with the “real” world, I soon realized God was not going to let me continue the angry wounded animal thing much longer.

I will admit God is way sneakier than I gave Him credit for … in the beginning He asked me to release the anger and offense I had with others. That was the easy part; I know what the Bible says about offense so I knew that my offense and anger with Him and others would stand in the way of my relationship with Him. I struggled a little but once the Great I AM… points His finger at an issue in my life I don’t usually fight it too much. In the writing of this first blog since my husband’s illness and death He just pointed to another area that is in need of work… my offense with myself. My husband did not survive lung cancer, I don’t know why. Depending on your theological bent you may have a possible explanation and truthfully even my own theology does not line up with what happened. But the one thing I do know is the word says, we know in part, we see in part… so we will see what the next part brings as I tackle this next stage in my grief and healing.

A Year with God by R.P. Nettelhorst

2011-03-09T12:42:00.000-06:00

Daily reading and reflections on God's own words, is an accurate subtitle of this 365 day daily devotion and scripture reading. The book is also a resource for ten specific topics that are relevant in our world today. Filled with God's words as the answer to our problems and issues we face today. I was somewhat surprised that the entire daily readings of Scripture are taken from the Old Testament only. I feel it lacks balance in some areas that are addressed differently under the New Covenant and leaves a reader with more of a legalistic approach to Christianity than the relational aspects of it. Over all an okay devotion if it is used with a daily devotion that also pulls from the New Testament.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze®.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission's 16 CFR, Part 255 : "Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising."

2011-01-08T11:56:00.001-06:00

I have a picture of a beautiful bridge that is called Crossing Over it is a painting by James Nesbit. I bought the picture about two years ago… it appealed to me as I had been told once I would be a bridge to the ones that left and the ones that stayed. At the time I was given this word I was part of a congregation that was having problems and a group of people left who were near and dear to me (and still are) but as time went on I realized there was deeper truth in the word but to be honest until today it has been sitting on the shelf. Let me explain for a moment the privilege I have of being in prayer partnership with people that are part of my home congregation and outside of it also. I have the blessed privilege to be friends with & partner with others in our area that are contending for awakening and revival in our area. It never occurs to me to be the least bit worried that my partnership with these may cause awakening to happen in their congregations before it happens in my home congregation… in fact I pray for it to happen at their place as much as I pray for it to happen in mine. There is something in me that knows this is not divided loyalty but a true heart loyalty to the only “church” that really matters… HIS church, HIS body, HIS people, not the building or group in which they reside!!!! ! I don’t care where revival breaks out in this region… JUST LET IT START SOMEWHERE! Which brings me back to the Bridge.

I got a call this morning from a dear sister in Christ and close friend who is contending for the soul and life of a man who is in the grips of drugs and hopelessness… the hold over his life has caused him such distress he is threatening suicide (as of this writing I have not heard of the out come of the situation so I ask you to continue to pray). Although he loves GOD he is unable to overcome the addiction and fears that have control of his life. He has given up… but there are those who so desire to see him succeed in being who God created him to be, they are bridging the gap for him and standing (or laying down in prayer) on his behalf. This man's struggle is simply a symptoms of the bigger issue in our area. The enemy has us so divided we are not effective in truly helping those around us… we are no more effective helping those we are acquainted with than those we are not. This mans story has so gripped my heart… I don’t know him… never met him, but he is a brother a fellow traveler on this road of life. How many have we lost because we failed to recognize we are to be bridges? We talk a good game about sharing the love of Christ but love is not a feeling love is an action. Love says when no one else will I will. When all have given up I haven’t. Love is being willing to give up your comfortable morning of coffee and facebook to contend in prayer for a complete stranger. Love is not a religious moment of… “Dear Lord you know the need…. if it Your will save this man. Amen let me get back to my life now.” It is laying it down and saying GOD grant him mercy no matter how many times he has failed in the past… Your word says your mercy is new EVERY DAY so grants him mercy today! To quote something I read last night… Pray until! Now hear me… you do not have to be a “called intercessor” to pray these kind of prayers… I had a revelation this morning when someone said yes they would pray with me about this… it was “reasonable service”!!!!! LET ME TELL YOU THIS IS WHAT GOD IS LOOKING FOR… for us to simply do our reasonable service! He did not heal us and make us whole so we could sit around and pat each other on the back and sing the world’s version of kum by ya! He made us whole so we could in turn stand and fight for those still hurting… whether that fight is to break off the strongholds off a region, city or people! We to often stand as watchdogs instead of watchmen… we are so concerned about our family, home and congregations that while we will go thru the religious motions for one such as this our heart is not really invested for fear that God may ask more of us then a simple 5 or 10 minutes of prayer.

We must stop our vain and religious behaviors and contend for the broken people, the broken cities and the broken region we live in… whether your part is to pray for people, places or things…. Regardless of what congregation you are part of… realize that we are only a part of a bigger whole… it is time we stepped up to the plate and gave our reasonable service! There are those who are desperate to Cross Over into the Kingdom…. But can’t find a bridge to use to get there. Are you willing to lay down in the service of the KING OF KING’S for them to use you to do so…. will you lay down your wants needs and desire to be a bridge? Your healing and wholeness is not a prize to sit on the shelf and brag about what GOD has done for you, it is a mighty weapon in the hand of GOD if you will simply be willing! Awakening Revival and Reformation will not come to our region and our country until we get off our blessed assurances and be willing to do whatever it takes to see it happen! GOD is waiting on HIS people to be hungrier for HIM than comfort and compromise!

As a side note… I looked up the words to the song Kumbyya…. I think we totally missed the true meaning to the song! I am now a lover of this song that used to make me cringe… thank YOU FATHER for the daily lessons you teach me! I am humbled by YOUR willingness to love me as I am!

"Kum ba yah" (Come By Here) - is an African-American spiritual song from the 1930s. It enjoyed newfound popularity during the folk revival of the 1960s and became a standard campfire song in Scouting and other nature-oriented organizations.

The song was originally associated with human and spiritual unity, closeness and compassion, and it still is in many places around the world.

Kum by ya my Lord, kum by ya

(Come By Here My Lord come by here)

Kum by ya my Lord, kum by ya

Kum by ya my Lord, kum by ya

Oh, Lord kum by ya.

Someone's laughing, Lord, kum bay ya;

(Someone’s Laughing Lord, come by here)

Someone's laughing, Lord, kum bay ya;

Someone's laughing, Lord, kum bay ya,

O Lord, kum bay ya.

Someone's crying, Lord, kum bay ya;

(Someone’s crying Lord, come by here)

Someone's crying, Lord, kum bay ya;

Someone's crying, Lord, kum bay ya,
O Lord, kum bay ya.

Someone's praying, Lord, kum bay ya;

(Someone’s praying Lord, come by here)

Someone's praying, Lord, kum bay ya;
Someone's praying, Lord, kum bay ya,

O Lord, kum bay ya.

Someone's singing, Lord, kum bay ya;

(Someone’s singing Lord, come by here)

Someone's singing, Lord, kum bay ya;

Someone's singing, Lord, kum bay ya,

O Lord, kum bay ya.

OH LORD HOW FAR WE HAVE GOTTEN OFF TRACK…

COME BY HERE MY LORD COME BY HERE!

JUST DO IT!

2010-11-01T00:01:00.003-05:00

I have had something churning in my heart for a long time… and after recently spending the day with someone (a special thanks to that someone, getting whole looks good on you!) in process…I am ready to just let it out!

I had someone say to me three years ago… Just Do It! I pray I have the courage to be so bold cause…I have a burning passion deep in my heart to see the walking wounded in the body of Christ whole and walking out the call on their lives… I see the ones who bleed because of long unhealed wounds, offense and bitterness… the ones who go from building to building, and person-to-person looking for answers yet never hear the simple truth… We teach these poor ones the sinner’s prayer and we teach them how to “be good “ til they can get to Heaven but we fail to teach them that FATHER GOD has so much more for them…. we teach them how to put a smile on it and how to walk the walk and talk the talk of “Christianize” and have faith… but faith in what? Our Father who is in Heaven has plans we never realize because we never teach them that FATHER GOD has the answer to the hole in their heart and spirit and how to get whole from here! We fail to take authority that we have as sons and daughters of GOD and help them break free or even teach them how to take authority themselves over the weapons the enemy gives them to beat themselves and others around them to death…we truly are theirs and our own worst enemy.

My hearts cry is that we would finally understand that our healing and the healing of our land comes from knowing who we really are and not what we have been led to think we are but instead we hide our own bleeding souls and tell them to do the same with theirs! We say we want to take back this country and we want to recapture all we have lost… yet we can’t even help the ones standing next to us or ourselves most days! We have Christians… not unbelievers but BROTHERS AND SISTERS in Christ walking around broken, bitter, and barely making it and trapped in the bondage of religion never seeing the true freedom that Christ offers… and we wonder why the world wants nothing we offer. Our recapturing what the enemy has stolen from us as a people and country starts with us realizing who we are! Only when we finally walk in our real identity in Christ, help others find theirs and we realize nothing can stand in the way of an army of healed and whole reformers will we recapture what the enemy has stolen from us as a people and nation.

I have a dream that I will one day stop being a slave to the greatest bondage that we as believers walk in…. “what man thinks of me”… that I will finally stand up and say to all those bleeding souls that walk by me… let me tell you how FATHER GOD can heal you… let me tell you the chains He took off my soul… let me pray with you, listen to you, love you unconditionally and help you walk it out til you are healed and free…and not care what others think of me… and when someone says “who does she think she is, do you know that she is, was, came from”… I pray one day soon I can look at them in the eye and say… “I know who I was, who I am now and where I am going and I got Daddy God’s business to attend to today, peace and love to you” and walk on! I don’t need an office I don’t need a license, I don’t need mans approval… I simply need to be willing to listen to Holy Spirit, go where HE leads and speak what HE says for me to speak…I pray that I will one day step up and JUST DO IT … and that the rest of you who have a dream, a desire, a burning passion will day be willing to step out and just do it too!

You Can Be Everything God Wants You To Be

2010-10-06T21:55:00.000-05:00

This little gem by Max Lucado says on the cover that it is the perfect gift for the graduate,I agree. This book is also a great gift for anyone at any age that may be struggling to find themselves or simply need a gentle reminder of Whom created them and that they have a purpose. For those who have read, “Cure for The Common Life” some of the selections will look familiar but worthy of a second read. This book is ideal for gift giving anytime of the year or as a bedside pick me up for yourself. Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255

Hermie & Friends Who is in Charge Anyway DVD Review

2010-06-13T23:13:00.000-05:00

The message of the story about Freddie the flea is Biblical and a good message for kids to hear. Everyone has a purpose, God does not make mistakes. I was however disappointed with how the story was told. It was done with flashbacks from previous stories from the Hermie Friends series and if you have not seen any of those you spent more time trying to figure out who was who than focusing on the current story. It was visually stimulating and I am sure will hold the attention of the 3 to 5 year old age group. Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from Thomas Nelson Publishers as part of their BookSneeze.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

This Is Your Brain in Love

2010-05-27T00:11:00.004-05:00

This is Your Brain in Love by Dr. Earl Henslin

Thinking about getting married?

Already married and the flame has gone out?

Want to have some scientific understanding of what makes your spouse tick?

Just need a little help understanding that mate God sent you?

Then this may be the book for you. I was expecting to be a little over my head with this book, SPECT scans, and brain imaging are not normally on my reading list. As a married woman a book on how to have a more passionate and emotionally healthy marriage however sounded like something I needed to read and the book just said try me.

Dr. Henslin did a fine job of making the scientific understandable for most every day folks. While I may not be able to have a SPECT scan to confirm the test that analyze your love style I found them to be very accurate for myself and my spouse. As a Christian I found it refreshing to see the scientific information confirm rather than attack a Biblical view of marriage. I also found the help tips section on how to deal with each type of love style straightforward and within most people’s capabilities.

I would recommend this book to married people, Christian Counselors and Pastors. Over all I was pleasantly surprised by the book and I have already used some of the information to help improve my marriage!

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from Thomas Nelson Publishers as part of their BookSneeze.com <http://BookSneeze.com> book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 <http://www.access.gpo.gov/nara/cfr/waisidx_03/16cfr255_03.html>

And the True Watchmen Gather...

2009-12-26T22:47:00.000-06:00

I was on my way home today when my family and I started to notice hawks… lots of hawks! In about an hour’s time we counted approximately 30 or so hawks along the interstate, in three states… AR, MO and TN! I have watched hawks all my life and often on this same stretch of road where I grew up… the way they always seem to be on guard, yet how graceful they seem when they are floating on air above the ground… how the swoop down at an alarming speed when they have spotted that one thing they cannot live without! How even when they are at rest on a fence post or on a tree limb they are ever vigilant, ever watchful. However in all the years I have traveled in this area I don’t remember ever seeing this many at one time.Or in this case today how close some of these hawks were to each other… some of them just a few feet from each other! I also saw something I have never seen before… two hawks side by side… I have read hawks mate for life, but to see two of these beautiful creatures side by side was awesome! I am not sure I could explain my fascination with hawks, there is just something so regal almost spiritual about how they appear and how they carry themselves.

Let me back up for a minute before I continue on about the hawks today…I recently had the privilege of seeing a beautiful bald eagle between Union City and Newbern, TN along the highway just sitting atop a tree watching the world go by! He was definitely out of place and to see one in this area is rare… there are some close by at Reelfoot Lake but even then you have to be really looking to find them. This eagle was in the same place facing the same way with it’s back to the road when I passed it going north and again when I passed it an hour later heading back south toward home. It appeared so regal atop the tree watching with single mindedness this stretch of field it was focused on. Just like the hawks it never appeared to turn to the right or the left and or acknowledging all the traffic just a few yards away…

Now back to the hawks… as my family and I were counting and watching all these hawks… I kept hearing… watchmen on the wall… the watchmen are gathering, the watchmen are gathering…and it hit me suddenly that as watchmen on the wall for the Kingdom we to are to be just as dedicated as this eagle to his watch and these hawks along the road. We are not to look to the right or the left…we are not to be distracted by the noise and the rush of traffic that passes us in this world!

I believe this next season is a coming together of the watchmen of the Kingdom. Are we going to willing to lay aside and go to our post and be the alert, on guard and obedient to what GOD is calling us to in this New Year? Are we going to shut out the distractions of the traffic and the noises of the world and focus on that one thing we can’t live without… the will of our FATHER and not let go till we have it in our grasp? Are we willing to be satisfied with our post and our watch and stop craving others? Some of us will sit quietly and simply pray, some of us will sound the alarm to warn of the enemies approach, some of us will be part of the tactical unit and help plan the battle, some of us will provide the arms and the means to fight the battle and some will be called to lead the battle! Are we able like the eagle and the hawk to find our post sit and wait till our time and talent is needed and called upon… are we willing to work together to create a whole army of watchmen and warriors or will we be as a buzzard and simply swarm around dead things trying to feed on others leftovers in our jealousy and laziness… and the true watchmen gather!

“Sound the alarm

Awaken the watchmen

Open their ears

Let their voices be loud”

(Holy Visitation)

Whose seed...

2009-06-27T09:39:00.001-05:00

And I will put enmity between thee and the woman, and between thy seed and her seed; it shall bruise thy head, and thou shalt bruise his heel. Gen 3:15 KJV

And I will put enmity Between you and the woman, And between your seed and her seed; He shall bruise you on the head, And you shall bruise him on the heel." Gen 3:15 NASU

From now on, you and the woman will be enemies, and your offspring and her offspring will be enemies. He will crush your head, and you will strike his heel." Gen 3:15 NLT

Let me confess… I am not a regular reader of the Old Testament as a whole. I love to read in the Books of Prophecy and this and that of the History Books…but I tend to stay away from the rest of it. However I am currently taking a Survey of The Old Testament class… so of course I got to read it and this is the key verse for Chapter 5 of this course. As I am reading I like most people understand this verse as (depending on your perspective / understanding) either a fulfilled prophecy of Jesus or the verse we refer to as the “why” there will always be strife between us and the enemy or both. But on the second reading of this verse this morning it hits me. The enemy has seed… the enemy has seed… THE ENEMY HAS SEED! I am going to stretch a few of you here… I am stretching myself at the moment to be honest so bear with me for a second! I am of the camp of “the devil can not create anything” he only mimics and perverts what GOD has done, and I still believe that for the most part… but if the enemy, the devil has seed then that means he can plant and produce a crop, can plant a seed and produce offspring. So what immediately came to my mind is whose seed are we pregnant with and what is it producing? I have heard and firmly believe that many of us are pregnant in the body and GOD is getting ready to birth a great awakening in this land, so there are many running to and fro hollering this is what GOD is birthing / has birthed in ME… my question is what is your pregnancy looking like and for those who have already birthed who does your offspring look like! Is your impending seed causing strife or unrest in you? Is it peace you feel or fear as the time draws near? Are people who you used to trust suddenly concerned or are they helping you prepare for the blessed event? To those new “parents” did your spiritual off spring cause rejoicing in your spiritual family or did it cause a split and bitterness. Did you have to rebel against your current or former spiritual authority to give birth or did they bless your new offspring? Now don’t misunderstand there are some in the body who will never bless or accept something new or different even when it is of GOD. But you may want to check yourself if your upcoming or newest spiritual seed / offspring is legit if you are met with continual distrust or no confirmation from people who in the past you trusted, but all of sudden in your eyes woke up stupid one day. When your current or impending offspring is causing confusion, distrust or chaos… I think you may want to check the source of your seed. Another way of looking at it is, as an amateur gardener I am learning from my husband that all seed is not created equal and you need to buy your seed from a trusted source to produce a good crop!

So the question I am now asking myself is can the enemy reproduce or is his simply cloning and perverting what GOD has done or will do…hmmm? While writing this my mind took a quick day trip and this is what I heard…we are horrified at the thought of human sacrifice that was practiced long ago in our land and I believe secretly even today but this land is also tainted and cursed because the of millions of children that are legally aborted each year in this country. Our country is awash in the blood of the innocent, we have traded our seed for his…so what kind of seed has the enemy grown in the place of all we have destroyed. What illegitimate things has been produced because we are unwilling to stop the sacrifice of our children on the alter of satan, when do we start aborting the enemy and his seed and remove the curse off our land.

What do you hear in your spirit about any illegitimate seed or offspring in your life you need get rid of?

2009-06-04T22:37:00.001-05:00

Thought this was so worth sharing... June 4th.

	THE NEVER-FAILING GOD

"For He hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee." Hebrews 13:5 What line does my thought take? Does it turn to what God says or to what I fear? Am I learning to say not what God says, but to say something after I have heard what He says? "He hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee. So that we may boldly say, The Lord is my helper, and I will not fear what man shall do unto me." "I will in no wise fail thee" - not for all my sin and selfishness and stubbornness and waywardness. Have I really let God say to me that He will never fail me? If I have listened to this say-so of God's, then let me listen again. "Neither will I in any wise forsake thee." Sometimes it is not difficulty that makes me think God will forsake me, but drudgery. There is no Hill Difficulty to climb, no vision given, nothing wonderful or beautiful, just the commonplace day in and day out - can I hear God's say-so in these things? We have the idea that God is going to do some exceptional thing, that He is preparing and fitting us for some extraordinary thing by and bye, but as we go on in grace we find that God is glorifying Himself here and now, in the present minute. If we have God's say-so behind us, the most amazing strength comes, and we learn to sing in the ordinary days and ways. Oswald Chamber's My Utmost for His Highest

Where are your Kingdom Keys?

2009-05-19T18:41:00.005-05:00

I have read several things about Spiritual Keys over the last year or so and thought I understood the concept in my mind, but today God showed me clearly in my Spirit the importance of keys in the natural and spiritually.

I moved into my husband’s house in 2005, a house that is over 30 years old and a house that I am not the first woman to call home. I moved in a lot of my own stuff and combined his and mine and tried to make it ours. I have done some redecorating as money has allowed and I have bought a few things for our home. I have done the best I could with what we have… but the house is still pretty much as I found it almost 4 years ago. I have learned to live with other people’s idea of decorating and I have learned to accept those things we cannot change at the moment. Over the years locks have changed and keys were lost or misplaced and until today I only had a key to the door by our carport. It just didn’t seem important to locate the keys or replace locks on the other doors, until a few weeks ago when the lock on the only door I did have a key to messed up and I could not get into my own house. Sometimes I could get in and other times I could not, sometimes I had to stand in the dark and jiggle the key until I hit just the right spot and the door unlocked. I started wishing I had taken the time to find the lost keys or that I had replaced the locks so I had keys to all of the doors in my house. We finally replaced the lock on the carport door the other day… but I went on a hunt to find the rest of the keys just in case! I finally found the last key today and I bragged to my husband that after 3 1/ 2 years of marriage I finally had all the keys to his house and that meant I finally had some authority around here! We laughed and I went to find my key ring to place the additional keys with the one key I do have. While I was sitting in the floor of my home office putting the keys on the my key ring I heard very clearly in my spirit these words…

“Anything spiritually that was here before you came to this house or was brought in by a past resident no longer has the right to remain here. Anything that tries to gain entrance to your home in the future does not have the legal right to stay and you can remove it or block it from coming into your home. You finally have the authority in the spirit to remove any and all things that would harm your family and your home, that until now you did not possess because you were never willing to claim it.“

Talk about an AH HA moment! It hit me that until this very moment I had still been looking at this house as my husbands… because I could not make it look in the natural the way I wanted and I could not remove the physical traces of the past women who lived here. Some where in my mind and spirit I never took possession of what became mine when my husband gave me his name. Truthfully, I have not maintained and updated this house with what I do have available to me in the way I should because I have never felt in my heart it was / is my home. My fondest wish is to gut the inside of this house and start from scratch and do it to suit my taste… but alas money has not as yet allowed that. So somewhere along the way I sat down because with my natural eye I could not see how this house can someday be when we do have the means to change it and make it what I want it to be! When I sat down in the natural I also sat down in the spiritual and never picked up my natural or spiritual keys that I needed to help keep my family protected… how sad and how dangerous!

We as believers often fail to realize or locate the keys we are entitled to as children of God because in the natural we cannot “see” what we are entitled to and what HE has for us down the road so we sit down and allow the enemy to lie to us and steal from us our rightful inheritance. We never find and use all the spiritual keys that GOD has for us to use for the Kingdom and in our lives… keys that open up the blessings of heaven, keys that give us the strength and authority to remove unwanted spiritual predators from our home and community. Keys that can lock up those things that need to be bound and keys to unlock those things which need to be loosed so that we can be effective in our Kingdom work we have been assigned to. We often fail to seek the things of the Kingdom first because we could not or will not get past what our carnal natural mind sees or in many cases want. We haven’t yet learned to just look until we find all the keys that are ours to possess! We need to understand that when we do press in and find these keys… with these keys, with these weapons we will be able to be effective watchman for the Kingdom, our communities and our families! Do you know where your keys are? Are you even looking for them?

The Abyss and Character….

2009-04-24T11:41:00.003-05:00

Let me quote a friend…. "when a man stares into the abyss and there is nothing looking back..........that is when he finds his true character.”

I found this so profound… dear friend I hope you find your true Character soon!

I looked into the abyss that I called my life back in Nov 2004. I found a void so big it scared me almost to death… literally. For the past several weeks, several things have happened to make me revisit that place once again and what I found this time was radically different.

In 2004 I had no sense of who I really was, my identity depended on if I was accepted by or wanted by people or persons. I had suffered much rejection in my life… most of it my own creation. The things in this world are temporal and people, places and things will let you down at some point. The sad truth is I let myself down more than anyone or anything else. I looked into the abyss and saw nothing looking back… because I was looking for something that did not really exist… the me I thought I was.

When I accepted everything up to that point had been a pointless illusion in that moment HE spoke and showed who I really was… HIS CHILD!

When I look back today this is what I see…I am accepted in the beloved, without reservation. I have nothing to prove… no one to con. I do not have to sell my soul to get, I gain it back instead. I am a daughter of the KING OF KINGS… my LORD and SAVIOR died for me while I was yet a sinner. No question about it… all I have to do each day is accept it.

My life is far from storybook perfect at the moment… the enemy still wishes to tamper with my family, my friends and me. I have troubles just like everyone else… no better or worse than the next, they are what they are. I am fighting battles I had no clue 5 years ago I would be fighting and battles that would have destroyed the illusion I was in the past. The difference is those battles no longer include me fighting me or GOD, because I know who the enemy is and it is not me or Father GOD!

I am a warrior and I have battles to fight for the Kingdom... the abyss does not scare me anymore, when I look in there I find my true character staring back at me… JESUS CHRIST!

Junk Food, Goats & God

2009-02-18T14:53:00.004-06:00

Okay first let me give you a little background so any of you who may read this will have a small chance of understanding the rumblings of my mind and body this week.

1) The first week of February I started a 12-week course that will hopefully help me balance my body, mind, emotions & spirit. The goal is to lose weight and understand how all these various parts of me should work together as God designed. The bonus is of course that by the end of the 12 weeks I hope to be a few dress sizes smaller before summer hits! YEAH!

2) The same week I began this course I also attended a conference at our sister church in Southaven, MS… The School of Prophetic Activation.

What follows is what happens when you put weight loss, the prophetic and a picture of a goat together! LOL!

We, the body of Christ are so much like goats… we have no discretion about what we eat or the source of what we haphazardly munch, graze or wolf down. We gobble up without thought anything & everything that comes down the road that claims to be "of God". We so desire the thrill & quick fixes that we skip over the real food our Father offers us for spiritual junk food to feed our flesh, we want to sway to the music and have “moments” but we don’t want or desire to spend time in the Word or in prayer which is of the utmost important to our spiritual health and vitality. Just like we will skip a real balanced meal to feed our body cause we don’t have time but we can’t pass up the bag of chips or a twinkie! The Word clearly sates what real food is… JESUS and the only way you are going to get to know Jesus is to stay in the Father’s Word and in regular communication with HIM, aka… prayer.

“For My flesh is true food, and My blood is true drink.” John 6:55

The conference I attended in MS had “moments” and they were awesome but I came away satisfied and healthier because of the meat of the Word and teaching I received there. Long after the moments are a memory, the healthy spiritual food I was fed will continue to be beneficial to my spirit and walk, just like my whole wheat toast I ate this morning instead of the donut I wanted.

I really think that God is getting really tired of the body running to & fro looking for the next great thing, the next bag of chips to feed their carnal hearts. I believe with all my heart HE is saying, put down all of your spiritual junk food and get back to the basic food that the Word teaches us, we need to stop striving for the quick & easy and instead work for the food that last forever!

"Do not work for the food which perishes, but for the food which endures to eternal life, which the Son of Man will give to you, for on Him the Father, God, has set His seal." John 6:27

If we, if I am going to be of any use to God in furthering HIS Kingdom then we / I must be physically, emotionally, mentally & spiritually balanced and fit. That is not going to happen until we the body stop answering the cries of our flesh and start answering the cry of our LORD to get about the business of our FATHER!

But solid food is for the mature, who because of practice have their senses trained to discern good and evil. Heb 5:14

Jesus said to them, "My food is to do the will of Him who sent Me and to accomplish His work. John 4:34

We need to back away from the twinkies and pick up the spiritual meat of the LORD!

Bon Appetit!

Ponderings of the Heart

2009-02-10T23:06:00.004-06:00

The last week has been filled with revelation into just about every area of my life... and part of me wants to shout from the mountain top all that I heard, but my spirit softly whispers that now is a time for reflection on all that I have heard. As I was on my way home from MS on Saturday this verse kept running through my mind....

But Mary kept all these things and pondered them in her heart. Luke 2:19

I think often times we want to brag about what God has revealed or is planning for us and we forget that those around us are not always ready to accept or hear about the great revelation for our life. Sometimes we forget to take into account that the very plans God has for us, will affect those around us. We need, I need to be very careful not to run ahead of God (an awesome example I heard the other night about this was interesting) and cause myself and others undue worry or confusion. If God has spoken (and I consider the sources to be true and of God) then HE will prepare those around me, and will tend to those whose hearts need tending to... including preparing me to handle what is to come. I am still very much under construction and as I heard the other day... God has been reformatting me over the last year! LOL big job it has been too!

I am at a beginning, a next level of something that when it starts is going to change my life yet again and some part of me wants to just talk for days about all I believe is coming into my life.... but on the other hand I want to hold all that was spoken to me close to my heart for a time cause once I do let it go it will never just be mine again....

I can't even begin to imagine what it was like for Mary... to know from her womb came the Savior of the world yet she kept those things she heard & knew and pondered them in her heart.... WOW!

Past, Present & Future...

2009-01-24T20:25:00.004-06:00

I went back this week to an old blog of mine... 2006-2008 at yahoo360 looking for something specific and came across this blog... it is mind blowing to me to say the least.

I remember vividly the things that were going on at the time and how far I have come since then... yet everything still applies as if I had written this blog yesterday. I am still on the journey, I am still being plowed, planted and watered. I have come thru one season and have entered another... My God how awesome YOU truly are. I am still just as in awe of having a face to face with YOU as I was 3 years ago, no I am more in awe of YOUR greatness Father... Thank YOU!

Entry for February 09, 2006
Following written in my forum at crosswalk.com last night:

John 1:1…"In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God."

This has come up twice today for me…. Once when going over a study that HanC has posted on John (btw awesome study go check it out in Christians Only…The Gospel According to Saint John) and then tonight at church, where we are doing a study about personal revival and here is how this played out… I was reading to hubby the HansC. Study after dinner and we are discussing the “Word was with God…” and agreeing with Hans that this is the clear declaration of Christ’s deity…and we found it interesting that the word “with” meant…face to face. Fast-forward and hour later and we are on step 3 of six steps to personal revival…

1. Humility - got to get humble and submit to the authority of GOD, IMHO putting aside our agenda and seeking HIS!

2. Prayer – coming to HIM, which usually means asking for something for ourselves or others…and staying there til we hear from HIM, which is why our pastor says you should always pray with your Bible in hand…i.e. the answer BOOK!

3. Seeking God’s face…. meaning just being in HIS presence without petition or plea just enjoying HIM …

AND THEN pastor whips out the verse and gives the same Greek translation…now the translation is pretty standard, my new Bible has the same info…but for me it was a WOW moment! I realize that somewhere along the way I have put aside my agenda and humbled myself to what HE wants and desires from me and I have been in prayer and I have been answered on several occasions and… NOW I feel HE is clearly telling me to just come and enjoy HIS presence…come fellowship with me and let us build upon this relationship (big steps for the tiny feet that are attached to me let me tell ya!)….

See the last few weeks in Praise and Worship I have just let go and been there in the moment and I just start to weep and I can’t explain how it feels cause it isn’t about a feeling it is as the pastor has said it is about a knowing…a certain knowing that I am in HIS presence and that it overwhelms me. I just realized tonight that I am somewhere I have longed to be and I have experienced a face to face with HIM! I am overwhelmed and amazed that I have been granted the privilege! Anyway I just wanted to share how it feels to be blown away by the hand of GOD!

So I don't get to puffed up (GOD has a "wicked" sense of humor don't ya think)...here is the next step we will study next week...

4. Turn from our wicked ways...well lets just say next weeks study ought to be real fun LOL!

Then today:

SO this morning in an effort to be more prepared for next week's study I start at Hosea 10:12 which was the text cited last night from the pastor...being from a large farming area of course the wicked ways would translate into turning over fallow ground...tearing out the roots (of sin) and getting down to new soil (letting GOD into areas that we have become hard in over the years), so you don't keep working the same ole soil (which is not good for a crop or new growth at all)....

My new Bible is awesome and the study notes lead me to Hosea 6:3 and gives me a complete look at the meaning of "former" and "latter" rain... which of course is just as important to farmers...

former.... the rain that comes in the fall to soften (prepare) the ground for planting

latter.... the rain that comes in the spring that causes growth after the seed has been planted

BINGO BANGO...here I go again.... I have been struggling to really understand some things in my life of late like why I "seem" not to be moving forward in career or life in general and how I feel almost afraid to move and each time I start to there is the "knowing" that the time has not yet come.... serious twilight light zone moments I can assure you and yet thru all this I keep coming back to this peaceful place...no jumping thru hoops, no fear. just this place of contentment. It gets stranger by the minute and y'all admit it, when HE is dealing with you it gets strange in the natural sometimes...I know I am not the only one who thinks this stuff! Anyway I have come to the thought that I am in the middle of the former and the latter rain or maybe just the beginning of the latter rain...i.e. I am at the beginning of a growing season...like my seeds that I started last night... btw beautiful blueberry (lavender) Impatiens, petunias and Larkspurs...OH I can't wait for them to grow up...for some reason gardening, working the ground and spiritual growth go hand and hand with me right now LOL! Anyway, that is where my crazy head is today!!!

Later Nora
Thursday February 9, 2006 - 12:47pm (CST)

Remebering how far God has brought me...Part 2

2008-12-27T10:59:00.002-06:00

Hmmmmmmmmmmmm.... I think this is a timely reminder for me!

Ms. Nora's MySpace Blog
blog.myspace.com/blessedbeyond63
Saturday, May 05, 2007
9:12 AM

Judgment and the Love of God

Oswald Chambers' "My Utmost For His Highest"
May 5th.

JUDGMENT ON THE ABYSS OF LOVE

"For the time is come that judgment must begin at the house of God." 1 Peter 4:17

The Christian worker must never forget that salvation is God's thought, not man's; therefore it is an unfathomable abyss. Salvation is the great thought of God, not an experience. Experience is only a gateway by which salvation comes into our conscious life. Never preach the experience; preach the great thought of God behind (the experience). When we preach we are not proclaiming how man can be saved from hell and be made moral and pure; we are conveying good news about God.

In the teachings of Jesus Christ the element of judgment is always brought out, it is the sign of God's love. Never sympathize with a soul who finds it difficult to get to God, God is not to blame. It is not for us to find out the reason why it is difficult, but so to present the truth of God that the Spirit of God will show what is wrong. The great sterling test in preaching is that it brings everyone to judgment. The Spirit of God locates each one to himself.

If Jesus ever gave us a command He could not enable us to fulfil, He would be a liar; and if we make our inability a barrier to obedience, it means we are telling God there is something He has not taken into account. Every element of self-reliance must be slain by the power of God. Complete weakness and dependence will always be the occasion for the Spirit of God to manifest His power."

Slay everything in me that is not totally and completely submitted to you, remove the rebellious self-reliance still in me and put it to death. Make me a vessel that can be used by YOU!
BREAK ME AND POUR ME OUT!

11:31 AM

I call HIM a Liar...

"For the time is come that judgment must begin at the house of God:..." 1 Peter 4:17 KJV

"... If Jesus ever commanded us to do something that He was unable to equip us to accomplish, He would be a liar. And if we make our own inability a stumbling block or an excuse not to be obedient, it means that we are telling God that there is something which He had not yet taken into account..."
Oswald Chambers' My Utmost For His Highest (May 5th)

I read this earlier, I blogged about it and then I blindly went on my way... I came back to it because this awful realization hit me right between the eyes, each time I put off doing what He asks of me I call Him a liar... each time I second guess Him I call Him a liar... each time I let my weakness, self reliance, pride, know better attitude, anger, bitterness and fear slow me down or stop me from walking out His will in my life I proclaim to the world I believe my Lord and Savior is a liar... If I believe in Him then I must believe what His Word says and if I believe what His Word says... then why am I not walking in the Victory that is mine and why am I still worried and bogged down by fear of what tomorrow will bring or what others will think if I just got up and did what I know He has called me to...

The LORD is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? the LORD is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid? Ps 27:1 KJV

The least of These...

2008-12-24T00:25:00.002-06:00

And the King will answer and say to them, 'Assuredly, I say to you, inasmuch as you did it to one of the least of these My brethren, you did it to Me.' Matt 25:40 NKJV

I was given an opportunity today to live this verse out in a very real way… on my way home from Wal Mart this morning. As I was driving along with Mercy Me blaring Emmanuel God with US in the CD player, an icy bridge caused a young Hispanic couple and their daughter to slide off into a very deep ditch seconds before I came upon them. Thank God they were unharmed and were able to climb from the car back to the road. I offered them a ride home and although it was several miles out of my way I enjoyed the time having a conversation with the wife, even if it was in somewhat broken English. We never shared names… I shared that even though I was of Hispanic descent I cannot speak Spanish; she explained that her English was still not so good… but we communicated anyway, woman to woman… mother to mother. It was a simple ride home for a couple of strangers, but it gave me such joy in my spirit as we rode down that winding road to their house. After I left them at their house and was on my way back home…. I felt this overwhelming feeling of gratitude…. for the awesome Grace that God gave me when HE picked me up on the side of the road of life after I had slid into a very deep ditch of sin. While this couple were what many would consider “least of these”… I realized so very clearly what God gave up His Son for…. this “least of these” called me.

Let us never forget what Christmas is really about… God’s great gift of His Son Emmanuel God with us for the least of these, us!

Remebering how far God has brought me...Part 1

2008-12-20T10:19:00.005-06:00

I was reading an old blog from 2006 and I can honestly say I think it was pretty good... and I can honestly say how far I feel at times from that person! FATHER GOD is working daily on this "work" in process! LOL I am going to share from time to time some of my older (and I hope helpful) blogs from another site so that I may have all my crazy thoughts and ponderings in one place and also to give a brief glimpse into a life that is being transformed on a daily basis by CHRIST!

Ms. Nora's MySpace Blog
blog.myspace.com/blessedbeyond63
June 23, 2006 - Friday
The Value of Godly Sorrow

True godly sorrow is something that we try to avoid at all cost yet for us to be used by God we must walk thru it. We are forgiven because of Christ's shed blood on the cross but there are always consequences to our sin that may show up years later and in the most unexpected ways and for the most unexpected or unknown to us sin. God choose to show me one of those sins today and allow me to walk thru the pain and grieve so that he could finally use me for what he called me to do... help others carry their burdens...because the sin was failing to help someone else carry their burden! A person who suffers from addiction, emotional, and physical problems... A most miserable unsaved man who needs Christ so badly in his life, my ex-husband. I was reading and praying earlier today and for some reason my ex-husband was on my mind and then very gently God explained to me that I had sin in this area I had not dealt with thus far... OH the grief that welled up in me for a man that treated me so badly, walked away, and left me to deal with issues I could not deal with... Who has not looked back or cared for one minute how bad it was for me and yet I am grieved at my failure to be a good Christian wife to a man who made my life a living hell! So why do I care you ask; hey he got what he deserved right? Well... God cares... and you should be glad... and I am glad HE cares... see just as my ex does not deserve my grief or sorrow over how I failed him, because of his many grievous sins he committed against me... none the less I feel hurt, shame and pain because of it and extend from my heart forgiveness and prayers of happiness and peace for him... Just as Jesus did for us! HE gave his life for a bunch of evil minded sinful careless people and he cried for us and he called to us even while we were in our sin and he waited for us to come to him and submit our hearts to him and then instead of punishing us for what we did he gave us peace and love and happiness and forgot what we did... no strings attached! We must be willing to do the same if we want to be Christ like and be of any use to him... I am now remarried to a man who loves me in the way that Christ loves us... I am treated with the utmost respect and care... the very things I denied my ex-husband... "because he did not deserve it"... yet what have I done to deserve to be treated in such a way? Just as Christ loves me, so does the man that HE has given to watch over me... who will continue to love me no matter what I might do just as Christ does... just as we should all those who have come into our life and we failed or they failed us or both. My ex-husband is just that my ex, but he is also a child who God longs to wrap his arms around and love... and I failed to show him Christ in many ways... I could be one of the excuses he uses to not accept God... God can and will send someone else to try and reach my ex-husband and will continue to do so, as HE wishes for no one to perish... the other good news is that although I failed most miserably, our Father in heaven forgave me the second I asked him to and believe me I asked and when I stand before FATHER GOD at the judgment seat... Christ will be there to defend me and say... Father she is one of mine for one reason only... the BLOOD of Christ! My prayer is that from this day forward I may be as my Savior, loving people the way he loves, treating people the way he treats them, and forgiving people the way he forgives... unto death if need be!

Hives & Blessings

2008-12-08T20:30:00.003-06:00

I am sure for most hives and blessings don’t necessary go together (for those that don't know they itch, they burn and they are ugly red patches on your skin... eyelids really hurt with hives on them!), and until yesterday I would have agreed. Yesterday I had a major allergic reaction to some facial moisturizer and had to be treated at the ER… shots and all that not so nice stuff! I have hives all over my face and it is not a pretty site… thank GOD they at least don’t itch anymore!

I was saddened that I missed what I hear was a HOUSE ROCKIN good time at church yesterday morning and I missed seeing someone who is dear to me who attended for the first time in a long time. Needless to say I was feeling a little sorry for myself that I had been cheated out of the good time that morning and I was even more upset that I probably would not be able to attend a little get together at a place that ministers to women who are trying to put their lives back together after addiction and jail. I mean really…. I thought nobody wants to see this face all messed up and I would probably scare someone.

But that still small voice in my heart started speaking… “nora the enemy didn’t rise up to steal a blessing from you this morning as you thought… the blessing I have for you is at that house with those women who have scars inside that are way more scary than your face. They won’t care if you don’t.” WOW you talk about conviction with a capital C! I freely admit how ashamed I was in that moment… I was so wrapped in me!

I went, hives and all… and oh how blessed I felt meeting these beautiful daughters of FATHER GOD! Their courage to step up and be accountable, their willingness to expose their hearts and scares so that they can get well and be the mothers and women GOD always intended them to be! The very presence of GOD filled the house as we got to hear a small part of a testimony from one of the ladies! We came to be blessings and instead we were blessed! Several ladies from our church did a prayer walk around the house…and GOD blessed me in ways I still can’t articulate! It completely blows my mind that HE shares these things with me and others…. It totally messes me up that not only does HE share it with us… HE invites us to participate with HIM and be HIS hands and feet here! MY GOD how humbled I am before YOU! Forgive me FATHER GOD that it took some itchy, burning patches on my vain face to see YOU at work!

There is a song by Brandon Heath that so speaks to my heart...

Give Me Your Eyes
Brandon Heath & Jason Ingram

I love the chorus...

..."Give me your eyes for just one second
Give me your eyes so I can see
Everything that I keep missing
Give me your love for humanity
Give me your arms for the broken hearted
The ones that are far beyond my reach
Give me you heart for the ones forgotten
Give me your eyes so I can see

Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah"

Yeah, FATHER give me YOUR eyes... Yeah!

House Cleaning for 2009 has started... in me!

2008-11-28T22:24:00.007-06:00

I have been on what feels like a roller coaster of emotions as issues and a horrible state of mind have taken over my life.. and some days in the last few weeks I have felt as if a I was a toddler in the Kingdom throwing a fit cause I wasn't getting it my way. What just came back to my remembrance is something I prayed recently in a prayer gathering I am blessed to be a part of in my community. It wasn't a BIG thing at the time I thought... I prayed what was on my heart and the theme was...

House cleaning... start with "us" the church / the body... yeah you know all those other folks who need it!

Then today for the first time it hit me... HE is doing just that, a little house cleaning, HE started with me AGAIN! I mean really just once can I pray a prayer and HE start with someone else first! LOL!

OH yes this self proclaimed "prayer" needs plenty of dusting and serious scrubbing... my vain little mind will run a muck without regular doses of the Word and that renewing of this beady little mind... in my case sometimes minute by minute. I would love to report I am so "spiritual" it just comes natural...NOT! What comes natural in me is to revert to old patterns and ways when I am under stress or being emotionally battered by the enemy. Then sister super spiritual in MY MIND, kicks in and says... "oh nora you can't feel this or that, you are suppose to know better" and then the battle begins in earnest for my mind, will and emotions... Then I get tired of fighting the good fight, weary of well doing and wonder if I will ever get it right... cause you know it is all about getting it right!

Then that still small voice... reminds me.... "nora... it ain't about you getting it right, Jesus already did that. All you need to do is believe in it, walk in and on the days you fail, come to ME and MY mercy, love, & strength will deal with it and help you to continue on in this walk! Sigh... I so understand some days the war that Paul speaks about in Romans...

Rom 7:19-25 NASU

19 For the good that I want, I do not do, but I practice the very evil that I do not want.
20 But if I am doing the very thing I do not want, I am no longer the one doing it, but sin which dwells in me.
21 I find then the principle that evil is present in me, the one who wants to do good.
22 For I joyfully concur with the law of God in the inner man,
23 but I see a different law in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin which is in my members.
24 Wretched man that I am! Who will set me free from the body of this death?
25 Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, on the one hand I myself with my mind am serving the law of God, but on the other, with my flesh the law of sin.

THIS IS WHERE MY PROBLEM BEGINS... I STOP RIGHT HERE AND WALK AROUND GOING WOE IS ME MY FLESH IS WEAK I AM NEVER GOING TO BE THE EXAMPLE I NEED TO BE, but the rest of the story is right here

Rom 8:9-10 NASU

1 Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.
2 For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has set you free from the law of sin and of death.
3 For what the Law could not do, weak as it was through the flesh, God did: sending His own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and as an offering for sin, He condemned sin in the flesh,
4 so that the requirement of the Law might be fulfilled in us, who do not walk according to the flesh but according to the Spirit.
5 For those who are according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who are according to the Spirit, the things of the Spirit.
6 For the mind set on the flesh is death, but the mind set on the Spirit is life and peace,
7 because the mind set on the flesh is hostile toward God; for it does not subject itself to the law of God, for it is not even able to do so,
8 and those who are in the flesh cannot please God.
9 However, you are not in the flesh but in the Spirit, if indeed the Spirit of God dwells in you. But if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, he does not belong to Him.
10 If Christ is in you, though the body is dead because of sin, yet the spirit is alive because of righteousness.

So if I am no longer in the flesh because Christ is in me then it REALLY is time I truly believe it, live it and walk it out. I want to teach others to know who they are in Christ, I want to see the captives, young and old, set free because I so intimately understand the many bondage's satan uses against people and the unnecessary pain and suffering we endure often at our own hand.

Housecleaning started with me SO BE IT... teach me YOUR ways LORD... so that I may be the RIGHT example of YOU... simply a reflection of CHRIST!

Remembering what I know I heard...

2008-11-23T15:05:00.001-06:00

Ps 37:25

Speedy Answer...

2008-11-20T09:41:00.002-06:00

Opened my email first thing this morning... found the daily reading at the end of a new devotional I just signed up for this week LOL!

“You pushed me violently so that I was falling, But the LORD helped me. The LORD is my strength and song, And He has become my salvation. The sound of joyful shouting and salvation is in the tents of the righteous; The right hand of the LORD does valiantly. The right hand of the LORD is exalted; The right hand of the LORD does valiantly. I will not die, but live, And tell of the works of the LORD. The LORD has disciplined me severely, But He has not given me over to death. Open to me the gates of righteousness; I shall enter through them, I shall give thanks to the LORD. This is the gate of the LORD; The righteous will enter through it. I shall give thanks to You, for You have answered me, And You have become my salvation. The stone which the builders rejected Has become the chief corner stone. This is the LORD'S doing; It is marvelous in our eyes. This is the day which the LORD has made; Let us rejoice and be glad in it. O LORD, do save, we beseech You; O LORD, we beseech You, do send prosperity! Blessed is the one who comes in the name of the LORD; We have blessed you from the house of the LORD. The LORD is God, and He has given us light; Bind the festival sacrifice with cords to the horns of the altar. You are my God, and I give thanks to You; You are my God, I extol You. Give thanks to the LORD, for He is good; For His lovingkindness is everlasting.”
Ps 118:13-29 NASU

Oh that I knew...

2008-11-19T23:35:00.003-06:00

I am in a funny place, no I am in an uncomfortable place. Are the circumstances in my life not changing because I lack faith or is it for reasons I can't see or understand. I am weary of well doing, declaring and standing on the promises .... all those things we as believers are taught to believe & do. I have been standing for more than a minute or two and yet things seem to be getting worse and not better... my finances are in a mess, that happens when more is going out than coming in. My home is under attack on several fronts it feels like on some days and to be honest I feel like just running away. But my spirit cries out that I am to wait.... the night will not last forever. I know my God can and will deliver me from all that oppresses me and my house at the moment. But in the mean time where do I voice my discontent and concern... am I speaking without faith if I say I am tired of this turmoil and pain? A dear and wonderful friend says we must speak from Victory... I agree! But what do we do with the pain and the doubt that all of us feel at times... we are all human and we have human emotions.... is God displeased with us if we are just honest about where we are and it isn't from victory we are speaking from or is HE displeased with the dishonesty of us saying / declaring all the "right" things with our mouth but our heart is saying other things when no one is listening... do we do others in the body of Christ a disservice when we aren't honest that even us "warriors' of faith have moments of discouragement and weariness... where is the line between faith and failure and who decides? I know that I know this season in my life is temporary, everything not of God is temporary... but the feelings and emotions are real in this moment!

My Prayer today

Father I give it all to You... I would ask for a quick and speedy answer, but never the less I will still be here tomorrow and the next day crying out from this dark place for even in my doubt and lack I know that nothing compares to YOU! In Jesus Name Amen

"Oh that I knew where I might find Him, That I might come to His seat!"
Job 23:3

The Beginning...

2008-11-14T00:05:00.003-06:00

I am a blogger in hiding who has finally decided to share all the wonderful & crazy thoughts about me and my walk with God, that I call my life! My biggest hope is that at the end of the day if one person reads this blog and develops a desire to know my LORD and SAVIOR JESUS then I have accomplished the most important thing in my life! Please fasten your seat belts or straight jackets... Both may be required if you hang around here to much! LOL!