I am so excited that I feel the call to blog again and yet part of me is struggling with where to start. After over 2 ½ years of not blogging do I have it in me to begin again? Will it matter to anyone but me? Is this a me thing or a GOD thing? BLAH…. Here I am still struggling with my identity and usefulness… I thought getting older gave us wisdom. Newsflash it just makes us older, that wisdom part as well as that embracing true identity comes from God. So that is where I am going to start, I have struggled for over 5 years with health issues that have caused unrest in my body, my mind and my spirit. The truth is that as 3-fold beings, when one part is out of order or alignment it will cause the others to get out of alignment if we do not actively guard them… I was so worried about the physical that I missed that until recently. I have spent the last 5 years trying to fake it til I made it to healing, not realizing that my spirit and my mind were under attack as well.
Now back to this blog, as I was going back and reading
during some of the most painful parts of my life, I realize that somewhere
along the way in the last 5 years I have defaulted to an old thought pattern. WHEW…
humbling to say the least as I thought I was way past those feelings. But here
I am dealing with questions about my identity, my usefulness and harboring resentments
against GOD and others. My number 1
stumbling block is my EARN mindset, that says I must earn my place in the
world, into some’s regard or God’s love. I have battled this my entire life as
the enemy set me up from my first memories that to be loved I had to
perform. I am not sure what in the last
5 years triggered that again, but it has kept me in the desert most of these last 5
years. Suddenly (5 years in the making),
over the last month, GOD has been bombarding me almost nonstop with
understanding my beloved identity. I am loved simply because HE breathed life
into me. No earning it required!!! I am enough just as I am. My current health problems are most likely
tied to something that happened 20 years ago, and I am just now facing the fact
that I was trying to kill what HE dearly loved…. Me! Now this is a perfect
moment for the enemy to whisper that G O D must be disappointed in me, or this
would not be happening. WRONG… I am suffering the consequences of the
medication I ingested 20 years ago. I am
only alive today because of HIS divine intervention and I am still loved beyond my
understanding. Do I wish I could snap my fingers and this would all be gone…
right in this moment, no. WHY you ask, because the person I am in this very
moment feels more loved and accepted than she has in all of her 63 years, so if
this current situation is part of the process I will embrace it and allow GOD
to complete the work in me he set out to do.
I have something to give back to others, not so I can earn GOD’s love,
but because of the overwhelming love He has for me it can’t help but spill over
on to someone else! So, if you are
reading this and you know me personally, Mama Nora is back let me spill some
love on you!
'Even when your path takes me through the valley of deepest
darkness, fear will never conquer me, for you already have! Your authority is
my strength and my peace. The comfort of your love takes away my fear. I’ll
never be lonely, for you are near.'
Psalms 23:4 (TPT)
