Lesson’s I learned from my husband
I was listening to the song the other day Bless the Broken
Road by Rascal Flatts. It was our wedding song when my deceased husband and I
were married almost 7 years ago. I was
worried it would cause a flood of tears and pain, it did not. It did cause a
flood of happy memories, wishful dreams that did not come true and
understanding that sometimes we can’t always see the bigger picture. As I was walking and listening, I kept hitting
repeat trying to figure out what I was feeling and hearing in my heart and
spirit. I realized that my husband who was a part of the broken road I am still
on and while he was on the road with me he taught me some very important lessons
in 6 ½ year. Lessons that will serve me well for the rest of my life and I want
to share a few of those lessons here, for your amusement or maybe as a way of
showing that even in lose there is good that can be found.
11)
A
hardhead makes for soft a** (translation: butt) - My husband was wont to say I was a bit stubborn and I was a
woman who loved to get her way. I am not
stubborn more like one track minded. I get a thought in my head on how it
should go or be done and I sometimes can’t see another’s point of view. My husband was the child of a farmer and
farmed some himself as an adult, he knew about farming and he knew about
land. But when we (meaning me) decided
to start an heirloom vegetable business I studied the organic ways of handling
the land and basic farming methods and techniques. When I excitedly shared my new knowledge of
farming and the way we were going to do it, my husband was amused to put it
nicely. But I was going to have my way
in this so I talked and talked and he finally gave in to hush me up! So we set out on our grand adventure… We
tilled up the land to my specifications… him alternating between huffing and
laughing. We planted EVERYTHING by hand and I decided on spacing, row size etc. The first year was our experimenting year
which is why I am sure there wasn’t more back lash to my new farming methods. So here we go, first thing that took me by
surprise was rain, as in too much of it early on and not nearly enough later in
the growing season. Everything we
planted in the flat I so demanded we plant at was either washed away or moved
over til our rows looked like coiled snakes.
The year we decided to do this was the first of 2 years of major rainfall and
flooding in the spring. So we ended up
having to replant about 50% of our vegetables.
Then for the rest of the year there was almost no rain at all. I had vegetables spread all over with no way
to water them and that caused way more work than it should have been. Then my
spacing lead to vegetables to close or to spread out which made it hard to get
a tiller down between rows and that meant weeding was a nightmare. My husband
did his best to explain to me farming was a lot like gambling sometimes you
win, sometimes you don’t. Gambling is something that makes me sick to my
stomach after the first $20.00 is spent so when some of my gambling did not pay
off, I realized I should have listened more and read less. After the first year I learned a few things…
he was way smarter than I gave him credit for, he had the patience of Job and
he should have put his foot down with me and made me see the sense of his way
of farming. I am not a woman who would
buck his final word, but a few days of me pouting was not something he handled
well… I was a wee bit spoiled, so I got away with more than I should have. LOL
22)
Real men can
say no and still love their wives as Christ loved the Church – As I stated
earlier my husband often let me get away with more than I should have, but
there were times in our lives when he did not back down. He made decision based on a few simple principles:
Was it going to cause me harm. Was it
going to cause harm to our marriage. Did
the benefit out way the cost. Please notice the order of those principles that
was his order not mine, I and our marriage came first with him ALWAYS. In the entire time we were married we only had
one true fight and it was very early in our marriage. It was not a pretty thing
and I will not expose him or myself with the details, but the bottom line was
this, I was spending more time taking care of everyone and everything else I
was involved in than I was investing time in our relationship the way that I should.
I of course was explaining how important everything I was doing was, after all
75% of what I was doing involved church.
But he was not going to let this one alone and I finally saw his way,
well not really at first but I gave cause I cannot abide strife. He however was right and I stopped being on
call 24/7 and I made a promise that he got at least one day a week of my
undivided time Most weeks he got more
time and others we worked together on my project of the week. It taught me balance and it taught me to
include him in anything he was willing to be a part of and to let him sit out
anything he did not want to be a part of. He taught me to respect his and
others choices. He taught me that real
love was not only protecting me from the big bad world but it was also
protecting me from myself.
33)
Fussing
in the back of a boat will not get you any closer to the bank but it will get
you a trolling motor of your own. - Now fishing and camping was our favorite thing
to do. We loved to be in a boat all day,
getting all sunburned and smelling like fish or just bait, depending on how the
fishing went. I am a crappie fishing
bank hugging fool; he on the other hand alternated between
sitting 3 inches off the bank brimm fishing or 10 foot off a bank just
trolling. Made me insane… I never knew
if I was going to be in a tree unable to jig or so far out I could not get the
line out…. I fussed & fussed, I whined… so one day I come home to find he
has tied (think Jethro Bodine) a trolling motor to the back of the boat just
for me. First trip out I was excited, I finally had
some control over the boat… every true southern woman’s dream! My excitement didn’t last long, it was work and
it was frustrating. About the time I got
the boat where I wanted the wind would blow it out of position or he would
shift and I spent more time wrestling with that stupid trolling motor than I
did fishing. I quickly realized that I
had made him feel that nothing he did was right and I was stealing the pleasure
he took in fishing with me. Needless to say, I was a little ashamed of
myself. I learned that if you want to be
part of the solution to a problem that there will be work involved and whining
is never the answer to a problem. He taught me to look at problems from another
point of view (see the theme here LOL). He never took the trolling motor off the boat,
it was there when my stepson bought the boat from me after his death. I think he realized I needed the constant
reminder of it and truthfully he simply enjoyed teaching me this lesson, we
laughed often about that Bodined’ trolling motor.
On a daily basis I have opportunity
to use and remember these lessons so loving taught me by my husband. These are things that I will carry with me for
the rest of my life, not as sorrowful burdens, but as valuable tools and
evidence of his great love for me. That
love so much like Christ’s love for us. When God has to teach us a lesson or allow us
to face the consequences of our actions, it is always covered in love and in
the end meant for our good. I lost my husband, my home and my entire way of
life… yet I am still here and I still have a purpose and there is still a plan
for my life. Good will come from what was meant to crush us if we will hold on
and believe.
