Do You Burn?

I love being the person who tends the fire whether it for cleaning up the yard, sitting at a campsite or even at a firepit. I am not sure if it is a control thing or if I just find such clarity in looking into the flames. Fire can be beautiful or horrifying to watch depending on what side of the flame you are on. Fire can purify or destroy. Fire can bring warmth to a cold body or destruction and pain if you get to close to it. Metaphorically speaking people and wood are a lot alike. Some wood catches and burns red hot for a minute and then flutters away as ash in the wind. Some wood gets warm and even shows some signs of being in a fire but doesn’t actually catch because it is too hard at its core or to soaked in other things to burn. But then some wood was meant for burning… it will catch with proper tending… it will burn and maintain a nice HOT steady temperature and then turn into the perfect fuel that can be used to start other wood burning. In this picture there were all 3 types of wood. I pulled a piece of that “wouldn’t” burn wood out to show that while it had been in the fire the same about of time as all the rest it appears almost completely untouched because it was too hard to burn. The red hot quick catch wood turned to ash and flew away in a matter of minutes on the wind. What you don’t actually “see” however is a section of wood that I used to get the back side of my fire to finally catch… it was a 12-16-inch piece of wood that had turned into the perfect starter piece that I gently moved to the back area that had not caught yet and placed it there with a few pieces of the red hot quick wood… and BAM a roaring fire took hold. DID you catch that…. Even that flighty red hot burn and gone wood had its place in my fire pile. Fire is a very important creature, but it must be nurtured, maintained and understood. And then after you have set the boundaries of the fire pit there is a time of standing back and letting it have its way as it completes its task. My question to you today is do you have a fire of any kind burning in you? If so what kind of fire is it? Is it a useful or dangerous fire? As for me… let me be real clear…. If the fire in me is not from GOD… I don’t need it and I DON’T WANT IT. I must be vigilant in monitoring what goes in my fire pile and vigilant in allowing Holy Spirit to tend it. I must be vigilant in who I allow in my life as well as what I allow in my mind and spirit. So once again I ask you, what fire is burning in you and who is tending it?

Welcome to My Closet God

Psalms 37:5

Give God the right to direct your life,
and as you trust him along the way
you’ll find he pulled it off perfectly!

TPT

Commit your way to the Lord;
trust in Him, and He will act, 

HCSB

Commit your way to the Lord,
Trust also in Him, and He will do it.

NASB

Open up before God, keep nothing back;
    he’ll do whatever needs to be done:

The Message Bible

As I get ready to close one season in my life and step into the next, I read a verse this morning in my devotion and was like yes Lord have Your way with me and do what needs to be done. Then that still small VOICE said, “Really? Are you ready for another round of Me cleaning out your closet again my girl? IF so, then why in the past has it been so hard for you to release things that needed letting go of, ways that needed changing, and on and on… you get the message.”  And of course, that other part of me was hollering loudly… “NO NO NO, keep His meddling ways out of my stuff I like my raggedy stuff tucked in the back.” Yes, y’all these conversations really do go on between me (flesh), G O D and my spirit. LOL

 When we commit, open up completely, give God the right to all of our stuff it sounds so good on paper and it sounds so good at the alter or in a group when we say we are ready… but the reality is that it is MESSY and it HURTS! Did I mention it is MESSY and it HURTS? I speak for myself here but every time I have truly opened up and held nothing back, not that HE didn’t already know I mean like HE is God y’all! But when I really submitted and let Him do what needed to be done, it was not always a pleasant experience. Now was the peace in my spirit real when I reached that point, YES. Was my flesh and my mind in total rebellion at the idea of giving up the right to be right and in charge of whatever area God was focusing on, OH MY GOODNESS YES!  But looking back I can truly say that each and every time and with each and every thing that I have fully submitted, committed, trusted to Him… He did what needed to be done and it was ALWAYS perfectly handled.

I will say this again, I am only speaking for myself here, but I think we need to quit giving the illusion that the daily Christian walk is always Sunshine and Rainbows. There is work involved. But on the other hand, I also hate when I see “Christians” give the impression they must work their way into Heaven and make our walk with Christ seem like a hardship and more like slavery. 

Let me share what I understand the message to be, He, Christ died for us. We who truly confess and believe are forgiven. There is baptism and there are gifts we are entitled to as well. We will have tribulations, but we will also have great joy in getting to know our Savior.  We will all walk through a process of letting go of the old, for some it will happen sooner for some it will take a little longer. We are all different and HE made us that way and our brothers and sisters in Christ should and will come along side of us to help as we walk it out together.  We all have a purpose and there is a plan for EACH and EVERY person on the face of this earth… never let anyone or the enemy tell you any different. YOU MATTER TO GOD AND FOR THE RECORD YOU MATTER TO ME!!! 

So what started out as a haha at myself for allowing G O D in my closet again has turned into this. BUT if letting HIM dig out stuff from my closet publicly helps anyone be willing to let HIM in theirs and gives them peace… welcome to my closet!

GET BACK UP

I just spent last night and all day soaking in the wonderful words of women of God as part of #ifgathering2019 I attended a local gathering last night and today alone online.

A verse that was shared at the close of this sealed what God has been trying put on my heart over and over the last 2 years… that He still has a plan for me, I have a calling and He intends for me to help others. My fear and feelings of not being good enough have strangled me…. BUT NO MORE.  For those that may read this that don’t know me well I need to give you a little background… I failed in 2012 in my hurt and pain of widowhood, I turned my back on God and yet He continued to pursue me at every turn… in 2015 He called me back to His side and I finally submitted my heart, mind and soul to Him.   Since then He has allowed me to step back into things that are my calling and destiny, that I thought I would never be qualified to do again because of my failure. He has once again provided favor over me in that people trust me in a very supernatural way.  I have sat in wonder and fear of this return of favor.  Wonder that He trust me and fear that man will learn of my failure in 2012 and turn away from me. Now back to the last 24 hours of listening to the speakers at If Gathering.  I was having a brief conversation about this very subject with some ladies I met last night when the question was asked of us what we wanted to leave behind at this event and my answer was the feeling of not being good enough.   I was honest and honestly the initial reaction was that look, you know the look, “OH MY GOODNESS, well bless your heart” (if you are not from the south that is not meant as a compliment nor is the look that implies it.). I immediately felt me fear of not being good of enough validated.  I almost lost my nerve and wanted to get up and run out, but God just whispered in my ear to hold my place. As the evening went on and we shared more, their perception of me changed. I believe that someone in that little group needed to hear my story.  My fear has stopped me from reaching out, praying for and simply opening up to people outside of my trusted circle. I serve regularly at the church I attend and will do whatever is needed.  I believe up until now I was trying to work my way back into God’s good graces… but after today I realize what I do from here on out will be for the simple pleasure of serving the Lord of Lords whose grace allowed me to get back up!

 About that verse I heard…

“Though a righteous man falls seven times,
he will get up,
but the wicked will stumble into ruin.” Proverbs 24:16

A righteous man/woman will get back up… the wicked will not. I am a daughter of the King of Kings, so watch me as I get back up, dust off my Crown and get about my Father’s business!  And darling if you have fallen know He loves you the same nothing has or will change that and … GET BACK UP!!!!!!

What a real superhero looks like!

I will be attending a very unconventional convention with my direct sales company I am a part of on July 23rd- 25th.  There will be an awards night where we are suppose to dress up as a superhero that most reflects us!   I have struggled for months over how to achieve this as I am so not a superhero kind of girl!  I finally said tongue in cheek one day I was coming as myself because I am my own superhero.  Funny thing is the more I thought about  it the more I realized that in doing so I would not only be celebrating myself but many other women like me who have overcome major obstacles and challenges.  I like so many others out there have dealt with things that most people allow to destroy or keep them crippled for the rest of their lives. Yet in spite of it all here I am at 52, happy, pushing forward and still setting goals for myself. 

I am not bragging here, I know God pulled me through, but here is what I am celebrating:  I made the choice to accept the God given help we are all offered.  I chose to get better not bitter. When life kicked me to the curb, I chose to get back up and ask (numerous times), “What now God, where to and how?”  If you have ever been through something horrible... you better believe it takes superhero powers to do that!

Many women have suffered all or some of what I have come through, abusive childhood, abusive relationships, financial hardship, divorce, the death of a spouse, mental illness, raising children on their own, and on and on. We so often fail to realize the strength and the courage it takes to keep getting up, to keep praying and believing in something better than what we are in at that moment. The ability to accept help in spite of our womanly pride, the ability to even dare to dream of a better future when reality is smothering us with hopelessness, where does that come from? Somewhere deep within each woman who has come past, healed and grew, is this inner person who is not willing to give up!!!!  That folks is what a real superhero looks like! 

So after much internal debate and 2 dresses... I have found a way to express my inner diva and that inner superhero called Nora!!!  So to all the other superhero women out there... celebrate who you are, believe in yourself and don’t let anyone pull on your cape!  You got this girl... go be the superhero God created you to be!!!! 

Dreams; Mine, God’s or Both?

Okay so I haven’t blogged in almost a year! WHEW... I have been up and I have been down, I have been in want and I have been in overflow, funny how life works that way.  However one of the biggest lessons I have learned in the last year is this: Regardless of my circumstance, my attitude while I am parked in the hallways of life is the key!  I am a woman who believes in God, I am a woman who believes there has always and will always be a plan for my life and a reason why I am on this earth.  The problem is that I often forget that my choices affect that plan and my attitude can catch me up with God or slow me down! 

The last year has been a year of discovering that my dreams and God’s dreams don’t always look the same.  I had this dream to one day be a Counselor and in 2013 I decided the time had come for me to finish my degree.  I chose an online program through a Christian College... lots of money and time went into this “dream”.  Sadly in the summer of 2014 I realized I was not advancing... in fact I had failed several classes at that point, not because I am not teachable but because I was chasing a title that my heart was so not in to.  I was so disappointed in myself which led to me being disappointed in life in general.  I wanted many things to change in 2014 and it just seemed like a disappointing repeat of many previous years of my life.  As hard as it was to do the moment that I accepted I was not going to finish my degree, nor in all honestly did I want to, was the moment when God was finally able to move me from my dreams to His!  Now this was a major hurdle for me as in the past I have always embraced the despair of failed dreams, I kept despair hugged up close to me like it was my dearest friend. Goodness the years I wasted hugging up to something so vile.  Hope had been fighting for years to embrace and lift me up, why had I fought it for so long?  The relief I felt when I finally let go of what I wanted and the despair of lost dreams was tangible. There was a sweetness that I could almost taste, I could breathe again; disappointment in myself and life in general was replaced with hope for what could be instead of despair of what wasn't going to be.

I had no clue what was to come (and for me the unknown is so not a comfortable place... HATE IT) but the peace & hope that was in my heart was so real I simply embraced it and waited.  Then a funny thing happened one day.... a dear friend sent me some samples of products from her latest direct sales business. We had tried in the past with another company and honestly I so was not good at it so it was something I was never considering again.  But G O D... after playing with the samples which I truly loved and then looking at the business, I thought hey at least I will get paid to use them myself so I jumped on board.  I never considered it as a real business for the first few weeks, then something happened; I developed a passion for the products and the company, but this little voice said (you know the one, we all have that little discourager in our head at times), “You already failed at this type of business in the past and this is a business not a “God” plan so it can’t be important.”  Funny how we get in our head or we are taught that G O D plans can only be about ministry, or some lofty thing when in fact if we will look closely we find G O D in everything not just “godly” appearing careers or businesses, so this time I listened to the peace in my heart and not that nagging ugly voice.  Fast forward 9 ½ months: I am building a real business with people I have grown to love and care for with a company I am proud to say I am a part of because of how they do business and the products they offer.  The best part of this little business of mine for me is I get to encourage, support and help people. I am sometimes the ear for those who are frustrated with life, don’t remember to believe in themselves or have let others tell them they couldn't.  I get to be the person who says... “OH yes you can, stop listening to the voices of those who want you to fail.”  I have met many new people who see that not only do I run my business honestly and honorably, I also try to run my daily life the same way.  Hmmm, isn't that what I wanted when I was chasing that degree... I just wanted to help people.  LOL, God has such a sense of humor, cause guess what my little business allows me to do that on a daily bases. 

In the middle of this season of self-discovery, I have become more me than I have ever been. I have become comfortable in my own skin and I am able to allow those I love the most to be themselves as well.  Life is becoming, well peaceful and enjoyable.  And in the mist of my own learning and  learning to let others be themselves another wonderful thing happened, my darling and I finally took a step that I also believe is part of this “God” plan for my life... 2 became one.  Now marriage does change the dynamics of any relationship, never fool yourself in believing otherwise people often come with pasts that tell them that this is how it works or with unrealistic expectations of how it is supposed to be, but in truth each marriage and the people involved are different.  So here I am again with this feeling of discomfort of not knowing what the plan is... I know the marriage is part of the God plan for our lives, but how it was going to work is still somewhat of a mystery at this point.  But there are lessons to learn and with peace and acceptance in knowing this and simply embracing the hope of what is to come it can and will be joyous as it is meant to be.  Here are a few things I do know at this point in this God dream/plan I call my life: I am more myself in this marriage than I have ever been. I can and will encourage my husband to seek out his God dream/plan for his life.  I will accept & love him for who is and who he is going to be and I will stand beside him through the thick and thin.  My greatest joy is helping him along the way to being who he is meant to be! The bonus is I have someone who encourages me; I have someone who pushes me to chase my dreams and not just dream them. I have someone who stands by me even on the days I feel the world is trying to run me over.  

Wait I started this story with how my dream and God’s dream for me didn't look the same, I was wrong.  The dreams look a lot alike; just the steps to achieving them were different.  Hmmm.... so maybe the lesson in all this is follow your dreams and the passion in your heart, but be awake to and willing to listen for how God is going to get you there! Who knew this little business of mine and this wonderful man who is now my husband were part of God’s plan to help me be the me He wants me to be and give me peace and contentment past understanding.  Hmmm.... this learning to be me and becoming the me that God always intended me to be is a pretty awesome thing now that I have finally quit fighting to have my own way!  WHOOOO HOOOO... I have come a long way BABY...now that I have gotten out of the driver’s seat and let God! 

Rainy Days, Chili, Fear and Learning to Be Me

Today as I sat here looking out the patio door for hours I realized that while I have come a long way in finding myself, I still have some things that need to be dealt with. Now the title of this blog may seem silly for some but it really isn't... all of these things are me! 

Rainy days seem to bring on a melancholy sort of feeling but if I focus there comes a moment when my mind clears and things start to connect and make sense.  Random things start to line up and I see the pattern.  I get still and in front of God and he does the math for me and shows me things I missed.  

Chili at 10:30 in the morning is me saying I know what I want and although it is not the “norm” I am learning to follow my heart and just allow myself to be different.

Fear has been my constant companion for most of my life.  I have dealt with it in some areas but until recently I was unable to put my finger on the root of it. In the last few days I finally see that at the end of the day, I have spent most of my life believing I was not good enough, unwanted and unloved.  That fear led me down the road to fear of abandonment, fear of failure, fear of what others thought and in the end the greatest fear of not being accepted for who I really am warts and all!

I recently finished a Bible Study about fear and one of the assignments was to pinpoint a specific fear and see what the Word has to say about it.  I did not complete the assignment, until today.  The study is over but at the time it was due I simply could not see my fear as anything other than a tangled mess.  I have been working hard over the last few years to really figure out who I was, find my own voice and learning to be comfortable in my own skin.  But in the back of my mind the closer I get to being the real me there is this sense of dread... this overwhelming feeling at times that in becoming the real me I will lose the people I love.  I know for my own sanity I must find me and become whole but the fear of rejection, unworthiness and failure keep telling me it is not worth the risk. 

Today is my D-Day in understanding that my fear is driven by my need to be accepted and included.

News flash#1 - I have changed a lot in the last few years and many people have had a hard time accepting the new me.  Who you knew before was a product of my environment and my desire to belong, partly conforming to those around me so I would not be rejected. You only saw the parts I wanted you to see. I appeared to be out there and public... constant movement and endless chatter is a great mask to cover up the pain and uncertainty that was running through my veins. Being large and in charge was my way of controlling things to keep that pain and fear at bay.  

News Flash #2 – I am more the real me today than I have ever been in my life. I am learning that the real  who I am will never please everyone but at the end of the day if I can learn to accept myself that is what matters most.  I am a work in progress and God is working on me daily. It may appear to some that my life is a hot mess, but truthfully I have more peace and understanding about whom I am, what I am called to be and hope for my future today than I ever did in the past. 

So back to rainy days, chili and fear.... the sun has started to peek through, the chili was good and did not give me heartburn and fear lost one more link it’s chain today.... Life, love and happiness is found in the ever day... look for it!

Deserts, Vultures, Boxes and Life!

“Sometimes you've got to believe in something get up from the desert floor” (Desert Floor, Full Devil Jacket 2013)

I recently went to my first live Metal Show at the tender of age of 51. I have been a closet Metal Head for years but because of the pressures to fit into the boxes I have found myself in over the years I never allowed myself to indulge this secret passion much. When the subject of attending this show first came up that last little part of me that wondered what people would think reared its ugly head for a second. I promptly stomped on its very ugly little head! Now for those who know me and those who don’t, a few years ago I would not have been caught dead at a Metal show or admitted out loud to most people that I liked the music. It would not have fit my perfect church lady/mother/wife gig I was working at that time. My oldest now loves to remind me of all the s**t I gave him when he was growing up over his love of metal. But I also know he is proud his ole momma finally got out of her coffin and joined the world again. I said all of this to get to the point of this blog.

I recently listened to my testimony from 2009 I have posted on youtube (the link is at end of this blog for those who have the need to know. A lot has changed since then so read the rest of this blog for the updates). I talked about the labels the world put on me and the labels I had put on myself. Truthfully they weren't labels so much as they were boxes. Over the years I buried my hurt, pain, my gifting’s and talents, even my true self in those boxes trying to fit somewhere... anywhere. I spread out the pieces of me in these boxes to protect myself and others around me. God over the years has dealt with many of the labels/ boxes I picked up in the world but truthfully I found just as many labeled boxes to climb into during my years as the perfect Christian as well. Now about this show, album and song. It preached,  it pinched and shoved me out of one of my boxes I have lived in for most of my life. The box of what others think of me. Over the last 2 years, I have done a fairly good job of climbing out of that box but it was still there waiting to draw me back. Whatever title you give it, label, box, what others think of you, the expectations of what you think the church and others wants from you... they are all the same thing TRAPS. We allow our experiences and those around us to put labels on us. These labels, boxes and expectations can become a death trap for our soul, spirit and sometimes even our very life.

Over the years I have been boxed or labeled by many things. The box of sexual, physical and emotional abuse. The box of condemnation heaped on me for being a promiscuous teenager and teen mom. The box of a woman who has been divorced, remarried and divorced more than once. I learned early in life that my worth according to the world and those around me was based on what I could provide a man. I learned all the skills to do or be whatever it took to please others around me so that I might find what up until then I thought was love. Somewhere in all this I had brief brushes with religion, not God, religion. My abuser was considered godly by most and hide behind that cloak for years. I had well-meaning people try to witness to the wayward teen I became. I tried to reconcile my life with the “God” they claimed was all that and a bag of chips. Sadly by the time I heard about the real GOD for the first time I was so damaged I could not believe He had time for me.

By the age of 18 I had given birth to two children, one I kept and one I gave up for adoption. I had been married briefly at 17, divorced and getting ready to remarry again. This second marriage added to my life in many ways good and bad. But with this marriage I once again entered the box of expectation. My behavior determined how I was treated and of course I never measured up and punishment always came. The trap of this box called expectation is when someone always has expectations of who you should be and it is not your authentic self, you will always come up short. No matter how hard you try it will never be good enough because you can’t keep up the act when you are going against who you really are. From time to time brief moments of joy would slip in with my children and even with my husband, but they never lasted long and the darkness that had followed me around most of my life had taken up permanent residence in my soul. The desert floor will always invite you back over and over again... the vultures love the company.

By the time I was 32 I was once again divorced with two more kids in tow. My children are and always have been the shining stars in my otherwise crazy life up to this point. But the danger of living in those boxes is that it affects all who are close to you. My kids have enjoyed me in stability and survived me in chaos. If I was told I could only point to one thing that convinced me there was a God, my beautiful children would be what I would point to. After 9 years I once more I found myself on the desert floor. I was remarried to a raging alcoholic and serial cheater. This box almost did me in, thinking I would be happy if I could fix him I realized the sad truth was that the only person I needed to fix was myself. Unwilling to take that task on at that time, I decided it was easier to simply die.

In 2004, 8 months after my last separation from the serial cheater I woke once again in the hospital after a suicide attempt. I say again because I had tried this solution before when things got too much throughout my life. I almost completed the attempt this time as I was five minutes from my heart stopping from a fatal dose of antidepressants and Xanax with an alcohol chaser, when my then 14 year old daughter found me. You know you messed up when you wake up in the cardiac unit and not the psych ward after a suicide attempt. But this time it was different, because during the last 9 years I had dated God off and on. Now don’t get me wrong, I was not able to stay in any church for to long, I had a hard time with men and their definition of religion. But somewhere along the way God had gotten His hooks into me. My then brother in law was a Baptist preacher, one thing I will say about the Baptist is that if there is a sinner in a 10 mile radius someone is getting saved... one of those people had been me. Three days after I left the hospital, God met me in a dark mirror and for the first time in my life I surrendered (my right to screw up my life) to Him. Bit by bit He started peeling off the labels and there were visible cracks in a few of those boxes.

For the next 6 ½ years I immersed myself in a new marriage to a Godly man, church, ministry work and anything that made me feel useful. My walk with God was fairly steady, but there were still parts of me in those boxes. I found many things to keep my hands busy with, anything but what I needed to work on...myself. I still had many parts of me in various boxes but I tried at all cost to keep the lids tightly shut for fear of what people would think of me. I had a few moments of pure honesty during this time but they were met with shock and quiet shuffling by some leadership in my life that kept me in my second class Christian place. I learned in church, honesty was no more appreciated than it was in the world. So in the box I stayed and the darkness lurked and the vultures called to me.

In 2011 my entire world was turned upside down by the diagnosis and subsequent death in matter of months of my husband to cancer. I was once again alone and without the person I had molded my life around. See the truth was that even as a believer I still tried to be what I thought others wanted me to be. At the time of his death I was in a church that accepted my past so that allowed me some relief from the fear that still stalked my soul. But truth was I still had this darkness that lurked in the corners of my mind and I had never fully dealt with it. I simply medicated it with trying to be the perfect wife and Christian and now that had disappeared. My husband was dead and I failed to pray him well so I had failed on both counts. In less than a year I lost my husband, my home and most of my material possessions. I was dependent on my children and my church family. I was adrift and realized a lot of my “faith” had been placed in the things and the people around me and not in God. I loved God with all my heart but truthfully I still didn’t trust Him to really love all of me. When I stumbled (their definition not mine) out of loneliness, I was lovely sent to deliverance and instructed that I was a valuable asset to the organization BUT my behavior would have to get in line. I was instructed by my then spiritual authority to put both feet back into the work of the church. There was work to do and so in my mind I had no time to finish grieving or deal with the darkness that still haunted me. The funny thing is that the enemy of our soul will always strike when we are at our lowest and frankly I believe with all my heart that God allowed it to strike at this time because the only one who was believing the lie about my fabulous Christian walk was myself. The time had come for me to climb out of another box! I truly felt like God put a boot in my a** and made me deal cause I did not volunteer to do it I assure you! LOL

So since 2011 instead of dealing with the darkness in my usual way I choose to honor the deal I had struck with God back in 2004, when the darkness tried to creep in, I surrendered. When life overwhelmed me, I surrendered. When the desert floor called and the vultures heckled me... I believed in something and got up! I have been out of “organized religion” since 2012 because as I began to walk out of the fog of grief and fear I realized I had put my trust in people and in a man made thing called church and not in God. The darkness that haunted me was brought to light and you know how darkness hates light! I have accepted that at this point in my life I have no box in which to climb into. I am not the person I was before God, but I am not the perfect church lady/mother/wife I was for 6 years either. I don’t fit in the boxes of my past even though I tried a few times to crawl back to some them I knew would kill me. God in His infinite grace was standing in the way each time I looked at the desert floor. I have people who have earned my trust that I go to for guidance and prayer but at this stage I am a little scared of anything that remotely resembles a box... just sayin!

So what does this have to do with a Metal Show and the song quote from earlier? The answer is this, the darkness that once haunted me was simply my fear of finding out who I really am and my willingness to accept all of me. The darkness held the false fear the enemy instilled in me a long time ago that there was nothing in me God could love.... LIAR LIAR LIAR! I finally got up from the desert floor and decided to live...to live a life that for the first time ever is as real as I have ever lived. The real me who loves metal and does not always follow the “rules.” The real me who loves God but who does not fit neatly into that box most call church, I call it religious tradition. The real me who for the first time can accept the good and different that is me. The me that has a someone in her life who doesn’t have a box for her to climb into... that by the way is something I at first found very hard to do even on my best day. I used to hate the statement, “No expectations” but now I find it somewhat comforting. I know I am part of his life because he chooses for me to be and not because he expects something from me. For the first time in my life I only have me and God to blame for the me I am today (yes I said blame God, get your panties out of a twist). Each day I make the choice to get up from the desert floor or lay there with the vultures and the past. Every day that I choose to get up I know God smiles because unlike men’s grace, God’s grace is new every day! And most importantly each day that I get up I choose to give myself grace.

Do I still have boxes I need to get out of? Yep! I didn't get here overnight so I am still and may always be a work in progress. But today I am okay with who I am, what I am and where I am on this road we call life. I am a metal loving ole girl who is enjoying living a very different life than I have ever lived. My motto in life is no matter what take each day as it comes and ROCK ON!

My testimony link as promised... http://youtu.be/mmZVeZvdU8c