The Abyss and Character….

Let me quote a friend…. "when a man stares into the abyss and there is nothing looking back..........that is when he finds his true character.”

I found this so profound… dear friend I hope you find your true Character soon!

I looked into the abyss that I called my life back in Nov 2004. I found a void so big it scared me almost to death… literally. For the past several weeks, several things have happened to make me revisit that place once again and what I found this time was radically different.

In 2004 I had no sense of who I really was, my identity depended on if I was accepted by or wanted by people or persons. I had suffered much rejection in my life… most of it my own creation. The things in this world are temporal and people, places and things will let you down at some point. The sad truth is I let myself down more than anyone or anything else. I looked into the abyss and saw nothing looking back… because I was looking for something that did not really exist… the me I thought I was.

When I accepted everything up to that point had been a pointless illusion in that moment HE spoke and showed who I really was… HIS CHILD!

When I look back today this is what I see…I am accepted in the beloved, without reservation. I have nothing to prove… no one to con. I do not have to sell my soul to get, I gain it back instead. I am a daughter of the KING OF KINGS… my LORD and SAVIOR died for me while I was yet a sinner. No question about it… all I have to do each day is accept it.

My life is far from storybook perfect at the moment… the enemy still wishes to tamper with my family, my friends and me. I have troubles just like everyone else… no better or worse than the next, they are what they are. I am fighting battles I had no clue 5 years ago I would be fighting and battles that would have destroyed the illusion I was in the past. The difference is those battles no longer include me fighting me or GOD, because I know who the enemy is and it is not me or Father GOD!

I am a warrior and I have battles to fight for the Kingdom... the abyss does not scare me anymore, when I look in there I find my true character staring back at me… JESUS CHRIST!

Junk Food, Goats & God

Okay first let me give you a little background so any of you who may read this will have a small chance of understanding the rumblings of my mind and body this week.

1) The first week of February I started a 12-week course that will hopefully help me balance my body, mind, emotions & spirit. The goal is to lose weight and understand how all these various parts of me should work together as God designed. The bonus is of course that by the end of the 12 weeks I hope to be a few dress sizes smaller before summer hits! YEAH!

2) The same week I began this course I also attended a conference at our sister church in Southaven, MS… The School of Prophetic Activation.

What follows is what happens when you put weight loss, the prophetic and a picture of a goat together! LOL!

We, the body of Christ are so much like goats… we have no discretion about what we eat or the source of what we haphazardly munch, graze or wolf down. We gobble up without thought anything & everything that comes down the road that claims to be "of God". We so desire the thrill & quick fixes that we skip over the real food our Father offers us for spiritual junk food to feed our flesh, we want to sway to the music and have “moments” but we don’t want or desire to spend time in the Word or in prayer which is of the utmost important to our spiritual health and vitality. Just like we will skip a real balanced meal to feed our body cause we don’t have time but we can’t pass up the bag of chips or a twinkie! The Word clearly sates what real food is… JESUS and the only way you are going to get to know Jesus is to stay in the Father’s Word and in regular communication with HIM, aka… prayer.


“For My flesh is true food, and My blood is true drink.” John 6:55

The conference I attended in MS had “moments” and they were awesome but I came away satisfied and healthier because of the meat of the Word and teaching I received there. Long after the moments are a memory, the healthy spiritual food I was fed will continue to be beneficial to my spirit and walk, just like my whole wheat toast I ate this morning instead of the donut I wanted.

I really think that God is getting really tired of the body running to & fro looking for the next great thing, the next bag of chips to feed their carnal hearts. I believe with all my heart HE is saying, put down all of your spiritual junk food and get back to the basic food that the Word teaches us, we need to stop striving for the quick & easy and instead work for the food that last forever!

"Do not work for the food which perishes, but for the food which endures to eternal life, which the Son of Man will give to you, for on Him the Father, God, has set His seal." John 6:27

If we, if I am going to be of any use to God in furthering HIS Kingdom then we / I must be physically, emotionally, mentally & spiritually balanced and fit. That is not going to happen until we the body stop answering the cries of our flesh and start answering the cry of our LORD to get about the business of our FATHER!

But solid food is for the mature, who because of practice have their senses trained to discern good and evil. Heb 5:14


Jesus said to them, "My food is to do the will of Him who sent Me and to accomplish His work. John 4:34

We need to back away from the twinkies and pick up the spiritual meat of the LORD!

Bon Appetit!

Ponderings of the Heart

The last week has been filled with revelation into just about every area of my life... and part of me wants to shout from the mountain top all that I heard, but my spirit softly whispers that now is a time for reflection on all that I have heard. As I was on my way home from MS on Saturday this verse kept running through my mind....

But Mary kept all these things and pondered them in her heart. Luke 2:19

I think often times we want to brag about what God has revealed or is planning for us and we forget that those around us are not always ready to accept or hear about the great revelation for our life. Sometimes we forget to take into account that the very plans God has for us, will affect those around us. We need, I need to be very careful not to run ahead of God (an awesome example I heard the other night about this was interesting) and cause myself and others undue worry or confusion. If God has spoken (and I consider the sources to be true and of God) then HE will prepare those around me, and will tend to those whose hearts need tending to... including preparing me to handle what is to come. I am still very much under construction and as I heard the other day... God has been reformatting me over the last year! LOL big job it has been too!

I am at a beginning, a next level of something that when it starts is going to change my life yet again and some part of me wants to just talk for days about all I believe is coming into my life.... but on the other hand I want to hold all that was spoken to me close to my heart for a time cause once I do let it go it will never just be mine again....

I can't even begin to imagine what it was like for Mary... to know from her womb came the Savior of the world yet she kept those things she heard & knew and pondered them in her heart.... WOW!

Past, Present & Future...

I went back this week to an old blog of mine... 2006-2008 at yahoo360 looking for something specific and came across this blog... it is mind blowing to me to say the least. I remember vividly the things that were going on at the time and how far I have come since then... yet everything still applies as if I had written this blog yesterday. I am still on the journey, I am still being plowed, planted and watered. I have come thru one season and have entered another... My God how awesome YOU truly are. I am still just as in awe of having a face to face with YOU as I was 3 years ago, no I am more in awe of YOUR greatness Father... Thank YOU! Entry for February 09, 2006 Following written in my forum at crosswalk.com last night: John 1:1…"In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God." This has come up twice today for me…. Once when going over a study that HanC has posted on John (btw awesome study go check it out in Christians Only…The Gospel According to Saint John) and then tonight at church, where we are doing a study about personal revival and here is how this played out… I was reading to hubby the HansC. Study after dinner and we are discussing the “Word was with God…” and agreeing with Hans that this is the clear declaration of Christ’s deity…and we found it interesting that the word “with” meant…face to face. Fast-forward and hour later and we are on step 3 of six steps to personal revival… 1. Humility - got to get humble and submit to the authority of GOD, IMHO putting aside our agenda and seeking HIS! 2. Prayer – coming to HIM, which usually means asking for something for ourselves or others…and staying there til we hear from HIM, which is why our pastor says you should always pray with your Bible in hand…i.e. the answer BOOK! 3. Seeking God’s face…. meaning just being in HIS presence without petition or plea just enjoying HIM … AND THEN pastor whips out the verse and gives the same Greek translation…now the translation is pretty standard, my new Bible has the same info…but for me it was a WOW moment! I realize that somewhere along the way I have put aside my agenda and humbled myself to what HE wants and desires from me and I have been in prayer and I have been answered on several occasions and… NOW I feel HE is clearly telling me to just come and enjoy HIS presence…come fellowship with me and let us build upon this relationship (big steps for the tiny feet that are attached to me let me tell ya!)…. See the last few weeks in Praise and Worship I have just let go and been there in the moment and I just start to weep and I can’t explain how it feels cause it isn’t about a feeling it is as the pastor has said it is about a knowing…a certain knowing that I am in HIS presence and that it overwhelms me. I just realized tonight that I am somewhere I have longed to be and I have experienced a face to face with HIM! I am overwhelmed and amazed that I have been granted the privilege! Anyway I just wanted to share how it feels to be blown away by the hand of GOD! So I don't get to puffed up (GOD has a "wicked" sense of humor don't ya think)...here is the next step we will study next week... 4. Turn from our wicked ways...well lets just say next weeks study ought to be real fun LOL! Then today: SO this morning in an effort to be more prepared for next week's study I start at Hosea 10:12 which was the text cited last night from the pastor...being from a large farming area of course the wicked ways would translate into turning over fallow ground...tearing out the roots (of sin) and getting down to new soil (letting GOD into areas that we have become hard in over the years), so you don't keep working the same ole soil (which is not good for a crop or new growth at all).... My new Bible is awesome and the study notes lead me to Hosea 6:3 and gives me a complete look at the meaning of "former" and "latter" rain... which of course is just as important to farmers... former.... the rain that comes in the fall to soften (prepare) the ground for planting latter.... the rain that comes in the spring that causes growth after the seed has been planted BINGO BANGO...here I go again.... I have been struggling to really understand some things in my life of late like why I "seem" not to be moving forward in career or life in general and how I feel almost afraid to move and each time I start to there is the "knowing" that the time has not yet come.... serious twilight light zone moments I can assure you and yet thru all this I keep coming back to this peaceful place...no jumping thru hoops, no fear. just this place of contentment. It gets stranger by the minute and y'all admit it, when HE is dealing with you it gets strange in the natural sometimes...I know I am not the only one who thinks this stuff! Anyway I have come to the thought that I am in the middle of the former and the latter rain or maybe just the beginning of the latter rain...i.e. I am at the beginning of a growing season...like my seeds that I started last night... btw beautiful blueberry (lavender) Impatiens, petunias and Larkspurs...OH I can't wait for them to grow up...for some reason gardening, working the ground and spiritual growth go hand and hand with me right now LOL! Anyway, that is where my crazy head is today!!! Later Nora Thursday February 9, 2006 - 12:47pm (CST)

Remebering how far God has brought me...Part 2

Hmmmmmmmmmmmm.... I think this is a timely reminder for me! Ms. Nora's MySpace Blog blog.myspace.com/blessedbeyond63 Saturday, May 05, 2007 9:12 AM Judgment and the Love of God Oswald Chambers' "My Utmost For His Highest" May 5th. JUDGMENT ON THE ABYSS OF LOVE "For the time is come that judgment must begin at the house of God." 1 Peter 4:17 The Christian worker must never forget that salvation is God's thought, not man's; therefore it is an unfathomable abyss. Salvation is the great thought of God, not an experience. Experience is only a gateway by which salvation comes into our conscious life. Never preach the experience; preach the great thought of God behind (the experience). When we preach we are not proclaiming how man can be saved from hell and be made moral and pure; we are conveying good news about God. In the teachings of Jesus Christ the element of judgment is always brought out, it is the sign of God's love. Never sympathize with a soul who finds it difficult to get to God, God is not to blame. It is not for us to find out the reason why it is difficult, but so to present the truth of God that the Spirit of God will show what is wrong. The great sterling test in preaching is that it brings everyone to judgment. The Spirit of God locates each one to himself. If Jesus ever gave us a command He could not enable us to fulfil, He would be a liar; and if we make our inability a barrier to obedience, it means we are telling God there is something He has not taken into account. Every element of self-reliance must be slain by the power of God. Complete weakness and dependence will always be the occasion for the Spirit of God to manifest His power."

Slay everything in me that is not totally and completely submitted to you, remove the rebellious self-reliance still in me and put it to death. Make me a vessel that can be used by YOU! BREAK ME AND POUR ME OUT!

11:31 AM I call HIM a Liar... "For the time is come that judgment must begin at the house of God:..." 1 Peter 4:17 KJV "... If Jesus ever commanded us to do something that He was unable to equip us to accomplish, He would be a liar. And if we make our own inability a stumbling block or an excuse not to be obedient, it means that we are telling God that there is something which He had not yet taken into account..." Oswald Chambers' My Utmost For His Highest (May 5th) I read this earlier, I blogged about it and then I blindly went on my way... I came back to it because this awful realization hit me right between the eyes, each time I put off doing what He asks of me I call Him a liar... each time I second guess Him I call Him a liar... each time I let my weakness, self reliance, pride, know better attitude, anger, bitterness and fear slow me down or stop me from walking out His will in my life I proclaim to the world I believe my Lord and Savior is a liar... If I believe in Him then I must believe what His Word says and if I believe what His Word says... then why am I not walking in the Victory that is mine and why am I still worried and bogged down by fear of what tomorrow will bring or what others will think if I just got up and did what I know He has called me to... The LORD is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? the LORD is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid? Ps 27:1 KJV

The least of These...

And the King will answer and say to them, 'Assuredly, I say to you, inasmuch as you did it to one of the least of these My brethren, you did it to Me.' Matt 25:40 NKJV

I was given an opportunity today to live this verse out in a very real way… on my way home from Wal Mart this morning. As I was driving along with Mercy Me blaring Emmanuel God with US in the CD player, an icy bridge caused a young Hispanic couple and their daughter to slide off into a very deep ditch seconds before I came upon them. Thank God they were unharmed and were able to climb from the car back to the road. I offered them a ride home and although it was several miles out of my way I enjoyed the time having a conversation with the wife, even if it was in somewhat broken English. We never shared names… I shared that even though I was of Hispanic descent I cannot speak Spanish; she explained that her English was still not so good… but we communicated anyway, woman to woman… mother to mother. It was a simple ride home for a couple of strangers, but it gave me such joy in my spirit as we rode down that winding road to their house. After I left them at their house and was on my way back home…. I felt this overwhelming feeling of gratitude…. for the awesome Grace that God gave me when HE picked me up on the side of the road of life after I had slid into a very deep ditch of sin. While this couple were what many would consider “least of these”… I realized so very clearly what God gave up His Son for…. this “least of these” called me. Let us never forget what Christmas is really about… God’s great gift of His Son Emmanuel God with us for the least of these, us!

Remebering how far God has brought me...Part 1

I was reading an old blog from 2006 and I can honestly say I think it was pretty good... and I can honestly say how far I feel at times from that person! FATHER GOD is working daily on this "work" in process! LOL I am going to share from time to time some of my older (and I hope helpful) blogs from another site so that I may have all my crazy thoughts and ponderings in one place and also to give a brief glimpse into a life that is being transformed on a daily basis by CHRIST! Ms. Nora's MySpace Blog blog.myspace.com/blessedbeyond63 June 23, 2006 - Friday The Value of Godly Sorrow True godly sorrow is something that we try to avoid at all cost yet for us to be used by God we must walk thru it. We are forgiven because of Christ's shed blood on the cross but there are always consequences to our sin that may show up years later and in the most unexpected ways and for the most unexpected or unknown to us sin. God choose to show me one of those sins today and allow me to walk thru the pain and grieve so that he could finally use me for what he called me to do... help others carry their burdens...because the sin was failing to help someone else carry their burden! A person who suffers from addiction, emotional, and physical problems... A most miserable unsaved man who needs Christ so badly in his life, my ex-husband. I was reading and praying earlier today and for some reason my ex-husband was on my mind and then very gently God explained to me that I had sin in this area I had not dealt with thus far... OH the grief that welled up in me for a man that treated me so badly, walked away, and left me to deal with issues I could not deal with... Who has not looked back or cared for one minute how bad it was for me and yet I am grieved at my failure to be a good Christian wife to a man who made my life a living hell! So why do I care you ask; hey he got what he deserved right? Well... God cares... and you should be glad... and I am glad HE cares... see just as my ex does not deserve my grief or sorrow over how I failed him, because of his many grievous sins he committed against me... none the less I feel hurt, shame and pain because of it and extend from my heart forgiveness and prayers of happiness and peace for him... Just as Jesus did for us! HE gave his life for a bunch of evil minded sinful careless people and he cried for us and he called to us even while we were in our sin and he waited for us to come to him and submit our hearts to him and then instead of punishing us for what we did he gave us peace and love and happiness and forgot what we did... no strings attached! We must be willing to do the same if we want to be Christ like and be of any use to him... I am now remarried to a man who loves me in the way that Christ loves us... I am treated with the utmost respect and care... the very things I denied my ex-husband... "because he did not deserve it"... yet what have I done to deserve to be treated in such a way? Just as Christ loves me, so does the man that HE has given to watch over me... who will continue to love me no matter what I might do just as Christ does... just as we should all those who have come into our life and we failed or they failed us or both. My ex-husband is just that my ex, but he is also a child who God longs to wrap his arms around and love... and I failed to show him Christ in many ways... I could be one of the excuses he uses to not accept God... God can and will send someone else to try and reach my ex-husband and will continue to do so, as HE wishes for no one to perish... the other good news is that although I failed most miserably, our Father in heaven forgave me the second I asked him to and believe me I asked and when I stand before FATHER GOD at the judgment seat... Christ will be there to defend me and say... Father she is one of mine for one reason only... the BLOOD of Christ! My prayer is that from this day forward I may be as my Savior, loving people the way he loves, treating people the way he treats them, and forgiving people the way he forgives... unto death if need be!