Okay so I haven’t blogged in almost a year! WHEW... I have
been up and I have been down, I have been in want and I have been in overflow,
funny how life works that way. However one
of the biggest lessons I have learned in the last year is this: Regardless of
my circumstance, my attitude while I am parked in the hallways of life is the
key! I am a woman who believes in God, I
am a woman who believes there has always and will always be a plan for my life
and a reason why I am on this earth. The
problem is that I often forget that my choices affect that plan and my attitude
can catch me up with God or slow me down!
The last year has been a year of discovering that my dreams
and God’s dreams don’t always look the same.
I had this dream to one day be a Counselor and in 2013 I decided the
time had come for me to finish my degree.
I chose an online program through a Christian College... lots of money
and time went into this “dream”. Sadly
in the summer of 2014 I realized I was not advancing... in fact I had failed
several classes at that point, not because I am not teachable but because I was
chasing a title that my heart was so not in to.
I was so disappointed in myself which led to me being disappointed in
life in general. I wanted many things to
change in 2014 and it just seemed like a disappointing repeat of many previous
years of my life. As hard as it was to
do the moment that I accepted I was not going to finish my degree, nor in all
honestly did I want to, was the moment when God was finally able to move me
from my dreams to His! Now this was a
major hurdle for me as in the past I have always embraced the despair of failed
dreams, I kept despair hugged up close to me like it was my dearest friend.
Goodness the years I wasted hugging up to something so vile. Hope had been fighting for years to embrace
and lift me up, why had I fought it for so long? The relief I felt when I finally let go of
what I wanted and the despair of lost dreams was tangible. There was a
sweetness that I could almost taste, I could breathe again; disappointment in
myself and life in general was replaced with hope for what could be instead of despair
of what wasn't going to be.
I had no
clue what was to come (and for me the unknown is so not a comfortable place...
HATE IT) but the peace & hope that was in my heart was so real I simply
embraced it and waited. Then a funny
thing happened one day.... a dear friend sent me some samples of products from
her latest direct sales business. We had tried in the past with another company
and honestly I so was not good at it so it was something I was never
considering again. But G O D... after
playing with the samples which I truly loved and then looking at the business,
I thought hey at least I will get paid to use them myself so I jumped on board. I never considered it as a real business for
the first few weeks, then something happened; I developed a passion for the
products and the company, but this little voice said (you know the one, we all
have that little discourager in our head at times), “You already failed at this
type of business in the past and this is a business not a “God” plan so it can’t
be important.” Funny how we get in our
head or we are taught that G O D plans can only be about ministry, or some
lofty thing when in fact if we will look closely we find G O D in everything
not just “godly” appearing careers or businesses, so this time I listened to
the peace in my heart and not that nagging ugly voice. Fast forward 9 ½ months: I am building a real
business with people I have grown to love and care for with a company I am
proud to say I am a part of because of how they do business and the products
they offer. The best part of this little
business of mine for me is I get to encourage, support and help people. I am
sometimes the ear for those who are frustrated with life, don’t remember to believe
in themselves or have let others tell them they couldn't. I get to be the person who says... “OH yes you
can, stop listening to the voices of those who want you to fail.” I have met many new people who see that not
only do I run my business honestly and honorably, I also try to run my daily
life the same way. Hmmm, isn't that what
I wanted when I was chasing that degree... I just wanted to help people. LOL, God has such a sense of humor, cause
guess what my little business allows me to do that on a daily bases.
In the middle of this season of self-discovery, I have become
more me than I have ever been. I have become comfortable in my own skin and I
am able to allow those I love the most to be themselves as well. Life is becoming, well peaceful and enjoyable. And in the mist of my own learning and learning to let others be themselves another
wonderful thing happened, my darling and I finally took a step that I also
believe is part of this “God” plan for my life... 2 became one. Now marriage does change the dynamics of any
relationship, never fool yourself in believing otherwise people often come with
pasts that tell them that this is how it works or with unrealistic expectations
of how it is supposed to be, but in truth each marriage and the people involved
are different. So here I am again with
this feeling of discomfort of not knowing what the plan is... I know the
marriage is part of the God plan for our lives, but how it was going to work is
still somewhat of a mystery at this point. But there are lessons to learn and with peace
and acceptance in knowing this and simply embracing the hope of what is to come
it can and will be joyous as it is meant to be. Here are a few things I do know at this point
in this God dream/plan I call my life: I am more myself in this marriage than I
have ever been. I can and will encourage my husband to seek out his God dream/plan
for his life. I will accept & love
him for who is and who he is going to be and I will stand beside him through
the thick and thin. My greatest joy is
helping him along the way to being who he is meant to be! The bonus is I have
someone who encourages me; I have someone who pushes me to chase my dreams and
not just dream them. I have someone who stands by me even on the days I feel
the world is trying to run me over.
Wait
I started this story with how my dream and God’s dream for me didn't look the
same, I was wrong. The dreams look a lot
alike; just the steps to achieving them were different. Hmmm.... so maybe the lesson in all this is
follow your dreams and the passion in your heart, but be awake to and willing
to listen for how God is going to get you there! Who knew this little business of
mine and this wonderful man who is now my husband were part of God’s plan to
help me be the me He wants me to be and give me peace and contentment past
understanding. Hmmm.... this learning to
be me and becoming the me that God always intended me to be is a pretty awesome
thing now that I have finally quit fighting to have my own way! WHOOOO HOOOO... I have come a long way
BABY...now that I have gotten out of the driver’s seat and let God!
