I just spent last night and all day soaking in the wonderful
words of women of God as part of #ifgathering2019 I attended a local gathering
last night and today alone online.
A verse that was shared at the close of this sealed what God has
been trying put on my heart over and over the last 2 years… that He still has a
plan for me, I have a calling and He intends for me to help others. My fear and
feelings of not being good enough have strangled me…. BUT NO MORE. For those that may read this that don’t know
me well I need to give you a little background… I failed in 2012 in my hurt and
pain of widowhood, I turned my back on God and yet He continued to pursue me at
every turn… in 2015 He called me back to His side and I finally submitted my
heart, mind and soul to Him. Since then He has allowed me to step back into
things that are my calling and destiny, that I thought I would never be
qualified to do again because of my failure. He has once again provided favor
over me in that people trust me in a very supernatural way. I have sat in wonder and fear of this return
of favor. Wonder that He trust me and
fear that man will learn of my failure in 2012 and turn away from me. Now back
to the last 24 hours of listening to the speakers at If Gathering. I was having a brief conversation about this
very subject with some ladies I met last night when the question was asked of
us what we wanted to leave behind at this event and my answer was the feeling
of not being good enough. I was honest
and honestly the initial reaction was that look, you know the look, “OH MY
GOODNESS, well bless your heart” (if you are not from the south that is not
meant as a compliment nor is the look that implies it.). I immediately felt me fear
of not being good of enough validated. I
almost lost my nerve and wanted to get up and run out, but God just whispered
in my ear to hold my place. As the evening went on and we shared more, their perception
of me changed. I believe that someone in that little group needed to hear my
story. My fear has stopped me from
reaching out, praying for and simply opening up to people outside of my trusted
circle. I serve regularly at the church I attend and will do whatever is needed.
I believe up until now I was trying to
work my way back into God’s good graces… but after today I realize what I do
from here on out will be for the simple pleasure of serving the Lord of Lords
whose grace allowed me to get back up!
About that verse I heard…
“Though a righteous man falls seven times,
he will get up,
but the wicked will stumble into ruin.” Proverbs 24:16
he will get up,
but the wicked will stumble into ruin.” Proverbs 24:16
A righteous man/woman will get back up… the wicked will not. I
am a daughter of the King of Kings, so watch me as I get back up, dust off my Crown
and get about my Father’s business! And
darling if you have fallen know He loves you the same nothing has or will
change that and … GET BACK UP!!!!!!
