Clutter, Chaos and Hopelessness

Clutter, chaos and hopelessness cause many to come to a standstill… me it causes me to come to a standstill. For the last several months my schedule, unexpected life events, unfulfilled hopes and dreams have collied causing confusion, fear, and lack of focus in my life. I am also starting to realize that the closer I get to my 60th Birthday (237 days) the many unfilled hopes & dreams I have carried in my heart for so long are causing a lot of my spiritual & mental chaos. Most days I just feel so overwhelmed that I simply don’t start… I feel wore out and passed my prime so why not just sit and let things pile up and life passed me by. This morning my cluttered desk started speaking to me … it whispered its desire to be cleaned, reorganized, and made useful again. It sighed and whispered, we started out with the best intentions to be a place of work and study yet now I am simply the catcher of stuff and trolling facebook. My devotionals and Bibles called out to me to remember them and come spend time with God (don’t panic I did not hear any voices, please don’t call a Doctor LOL). Somewhere along the way the dreams I dreamed of coming to pass at this desk were buried. Between unexpected life events, loss of a family member, and just lack of motivation has turned my place of peace and refuge into a place of chaos and disorder. Not sure if this chaos started in my mental, spiritual, or home realm but regardless of where it started, it has slowly cluttered and claimed all three areas. As this entire thought process was working its way from my head to my heart, I realized that I simply had to choose to start again. Perfection wasn’t required just the will to start. So, I started at the desk I am now sitting and writing at. I threw out way more than I thought I would and found things I forgot I had. I came across an item that I have had for over 20 years that has sat with me at many desks. Then I felt God whisper clearly to my spirit to let it go … just let go. So, I literally walked to my trash can and threw the item away. Now 2 hours later as I started writing this post/novella, I felt the need to go retrieve it. As I am looking at it as it sits once more on my desk, I understand it was not a little silly stuffed frog He was trying to get me to let go of. He was trying to get me to understand that I needed to let go of my expectations about how life should be, my fear of growing older and my timing for when He should have fulfilled those hopes and dreams. They aren’t deferred it is just about timing and He hasn’t forgotten them or me. I am not Him and I can’t control EVERYTHING…. life will get messy and chaos will happen from time to time. BUT if I will remember to lean on Him in these moments, He will make order and sense out of the chaos. Like me this tattered little frog has gotten a littler rougher around the edges due to its age, but it still serves a propose, just like I do. I just need to keep my eyes firmly focused on Him instead of the chaos and fear. I must keep expectation in my heart, my mind and in my home for what is coming!!!!

#thebestisyettocome

JUST DO IT (REPOST FROM 2010)

 I have had something churning in my heart for a long time… and after recently spending the day with someone (a special thanks to that someone, getting whole looks good on you!) in process…I am ready to just let it out!

I had someone say to me three years ago… Just Do It! I pray I have the courage to be so bold because…I have a burning passion deep in my heart to see the walking wounded in the body of Christ whole and walking out the call on their lives… I see the ones who bleed because of long unhealed wounds, offense and bitterness… the ones who go from building to building, and person-to-person looking for answers yet never hear the simple truth. We teach these poor ones the sinner’s prayer and we teach them how to “be good “ til they can get to Heaven but we fail to teach them that FATHER GOD has so much more for them…. we teach them how to put a smile on it and how to walk the walk and talk the talk of “Christianize” and have faith… but faith in what? Our Father who is in Heaven has plans we never realize because we never teach them that FATHER GOD has the answer to the hole in their heart and spirit and how to get whole from here! We fail to take authority that we have as sons and daughters of GOD and help them break free or even teach them how to take authority themselves over the weapons the enemy gives them to beat themselves and others around them to death…we truly are theirs and our own worst enemy.

My hearts cry is that we would finally understand that our healing and the healing of our land comes from knowing who we really are;  not what we have been led to think we are. Instead we hide our own bleeding souls and tell them to do the same with theirs! We say we want to take back this country and we want to recapture all we have lost… yet we can’t even help the ones standing next to us or ourselves most days! We have Christians… not unbelievers but BROTHERS AND SISTERS in Christ walking around broken, bitter, and barely making it and trapped in the bondage of religion never seeing the true freedom that Christ offers… and we wonder why the world wants nothing we offer. Our recapturing what the enemy has stolen from us as a people and country starts with us realizing who we are! Only when we finally walk in our real identity in Christ, help others find theirs and we realize nothing can stand in the way of an army of healed and whole reformers will we recapture what the enemy has stolen from us as a people and nation.

I have a dream that I will one day stop being a slave to the greatest bondage that we as believers walk in…. “what man thinks of me”… that I will finally stand up and say to all those bleeding souls that walk by me… let me tell you how FATHER GOD can heal you… let me tell you the chains He took off my soul… let me pray with you, listen to you, love you unconditionally and help you walk it out til you are healed and free…and not care what others think of me… and when someone says “who does she think she is, do you know that she is, was, came from”… I pray one day soon I can look at them in the eye and say… “I know who I was, who I am now and where I am going and I got Daddy God’s business to attend to today, peace and love to you” and walk on! I don’t need an office I don’t need a license, I don’t need mans approval… I simply need to be willing to listen to Holy Spirit, go where HE leads and speak what HE says for me to speak…I pray that I will one day step up and JUST DO IT … and that the rest of you who have a dream, a desire, a burning passion will be willing to step out and just do it too!

When something you wrote 11 years ago  (Nov 2010) reawakens something in you that you had no idea was asleep....  today I realized I have allowed past traumas, the world and others opinion of me kill the GODLY fire that once burned in my heart... it is time to start being the REAL me again!! 

Then, Now and Forever…

There are certain dates in life that will have us looking back to who we were, what we were going through at a given moment or time and reminding us of memories of a time gone by; September 29^th is one of dates for me. Today, September 29, 2021, is the 10^th anniversary of when I was widowed at the age of 48 years and at the time, I truly believed my entire life had come to end when his life on earth ended. I was an angry bitter grieving mess and totally undone. Then in a years’ time (September 2011-2012) I lost a husband, my home and most of my physical possessions and the anger and grief seemed to grow.  But I realized that what I lost 10 years ago that almost did me in was my hope in God, myself and for my future. My life as I thought it was going to be came crashing down around me and I lost myself to the pain, my anger at God, myself and those who abandoned me when I needed them the most.  It was a hard lesson to learn that what “I thought” was the plan for my life, was not the plan HE had for me.  

 Looking back, I realize I learned life changing lessons about people, myself and especially GOD during that time. Those lessons have made me the person I am today. Not to brag (okay maybe just a little) but I love who I am today, and I hear from my children and others I am the best me I have ever been. I can now acknowledge without angst and gnashing of teeth at G O D, the person I am today is a result of living through the tough times as well as the good times in my life. I truly understand in ways not possible 10 years ago the promise in Romans 8:28, “And we know that ALL things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.” As believers we often don’t want to take off our rose colored glasses and see what that ALL really does means… the good, the bad and the ugly we may experience during our time here on earth. Truth is I love GOD with all of me and HE loves me… but life is still tough at times, and I no longer ascribe to the fairy tale version of Christianity I used to. We live in a fallen world which means there will be things that we don’t want to experience but will. There will be people who leave us, hurt us, and even revile us. There will be pain, and possibly sickness in those we love or ourselves at time as well.  Life will happen as it will continue to as long as we walk upon this earth and there will be days where we will feel as if that ALL in our life looks like a disaster and there is no hope. Does that mean we can’t live victorious lives… NO!!! But victorious some days may look like we barely got by, and we must learn that ALL means ALL and some of that ALL will hurt. Life is not always sunshine and popsicles but when we embrace that ALL we will learn to lean on the only ONE who loves us just as we are. Then we can and will become the person we can love as well and who HE always intended us to be. I mentioned earlier about lessons I have learned in the last 10 year and wanted to share my top 8. There were MANY more lessons I have learned over these years, but some were just for me and me alone to evaluate.

 1)      Even when all hell is breaking loose in your life, and you can’t feel HIM… GOD will never leave you. Stop living life based on just your feelings… they lie at times.

2)      Stop allowing your self-worth and reason for being get tied up with people. People will leave you through death or other ways.  Tomorrow is not promised.

3)      Don’t let what the “theys” may or not think of you crush your spirit.  You were created by and are loved by GOD let that be your guide on how you think of you!

4)      Just because the promises of God did not happen in your life the way you “thought” HE should have fulfilled them does not mean they are not going to happen. First check yourself and discern what were true promises from G O D, what was wishful thinking on your part, or was a “word” spoken out of someone’s flesh to you. Then start seeking HIS face for the when and how HE wants to fulfill those promises… I promise HE really does want to see you walk in all HE has for you!!!

5)      Repeat after me, we live in a fallen world and bad things WILL happen, but GOD will use it and redeem all... “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done…” (Gen 50:20)

6)      Walk everyday thankful for the people and the things you have TODAY… tomorrow is not promised, things can still happen to the people we love and the things we think we can’t live without…

7)      When you have lost it all, know that is a beginning not an ending... GOD will show out every time if we will only look around for whatever the “it” is you need in your life!

8)      At the end of the day... it is not always about us; sometimes we are just a part of someone else’s story and if we are willing to see how we can use our pain to help someone through theirs... then we all win!

My today is so so so much more than I could have seen 10 years ago… GOD redeemed and restored all I lost back then. I am the very loved and pampered wife of a Godly man; I have a wonderful home and more than enough of all those things I lost. I have grown in ways I didn’t even know back then that I needed to grow to become the woman GOD wants me to be. Now HE is using this “new” woman more and more in the greater plan HE has for my family, those around me and our area. Each day is a new opportunity for me to walk in all HE has for me and that excites me more than I ever thought it could. This date on the calendar once brought me great pain and sad memories… now it is a timely reminder for me to get up and walk out in all I have been blessed with over the last 10 years and to try and help others to see how good GOD really is.

To GOD be the Glory for all my ALL's

Stop Addressing Your Identity with the devil

     This blog post will be a long read but may it be worth your time. It is about how G O D finally got my attention recently and showed me the timeline of how the enemy caught me in a weakened condition and almost took me out with his IFs!!!

    A little background: In June of 2019 I started a journal to record what I and another person from our congregation was hearing from GOD. Over the next few months, I heard a few things that I really believe were from GOD. During this time, I also left my full time job, with my husband’s blessings (after we had just bought a house a few months prior) to begin working part time at our main church campus. I was excited that I could start to focus more on prayer and the directions I felt GOD was leading me. BUT right before the end of the year, it was obvious that I was losing focus, I was just TIRED! I had a lot of pain in my body, and I had true brain fog more days than I wanted to admit to. By the time 2020 started I was barely making it thru on the days I had to leave the house and work. Did I pray about it, well yes!  But what I did more than pray was to begin to question whether I had even heard God correctly when I shifted my entire direction in June of 2019, the same month I bought the journal, gave my notice to my full time employer, and accepted a part time job at our main campus. I began to question in my heart but tried to defend with my mouth why I wasn’t progressing as I felt I should, why I didn’t feel good most days and why I was just miserable in a way I could not explain. By Feb of 2020 I was done, I stopped journaling in the above mentioned journal, I had decided I was not working where I was supposed to be working and I was just ready to sit for a minute and rethink life. My last day of work was March 12, 2020. Funny thing was the next week the entire country shutdown, so I really felt justified in my heart that I made the right choice to sit down and get still, because with all that was going on around me, I must have heard right this time (please accept when I tell you I was truly rolling my eyes at myself as I typed that last sentence).  Funny how we just like Adam (remember his statement... it was that woman) will try to justify anything once we have allowed the IFs of the enemy into our life.

     The title of this blog to some believers may seem to be a silly statement until you realize that we as believers do it all the time. In Matthew 4:3 the devil comes at Jesus with these words, “Now when the tempter came to Him, he said, “If You are the Son of God, command that these stones become bread.” Jesus was at 40 days in the desert and probably HUNGRY! Notice how the devil phrases it, IF YOU ARE, y’all the enemy knew who Jesus was!!!  He was just trying to drop doubt into Christ’s mind about His identity.  Notice he was using the same ole trick that he tripped Eve up with… doubt. As believers we often allow the enemy to do the same to us. Don’t believe me? Why do we explain who we are to the enemy, often screaming I am a child of God when he comes at us? He already knows who we are, that is why he comes at us. We address our identify with people around us and even to ourselves as well.  We question, let me speak for just me… I have questioned OFTEN who I am and why in the world GOD would want me to represent HIM on this earth.  I have often IF’d about if Christ really meant that I had the same power within me to do here on earth what HE did? Come on now is that really possible??? Seriously???  But make no mistake about it y’all, HE wants us to do exactly that, it is clearly written in His word over and over again.  We as the church body for the most part have missed it when it comes to our complete identity.  Y’all signs and wonders are not only for the Preachers, Pastors, Revivalist, or even the latest & greatest Healer on tour to operate in.  The same Holy Spirit that is in them is in us!!!  Yet we (me) have spent most of our time addressing our identity with the enemy and his little minions! They have totally enjoyed keeping us locked up (operating) in fear, doubt, and unbelief and not in what God has given us.

    During most of 2020 I just sat…. I was a mindless blob, who could not think very clearly, didn’t feel good physically and it got worse and worse as the year went on. I had 1,000 excuses for why I sat down, not feeling good in general and of course that thing called Covid-19. By December 2020, I finally had a name for one of those excuses and why I was in the state I was in. The mysterious aliment that had been keeping me in a cycle of weariness, pain and confusion for several years finally revealed itself completely… Atrial Fibrillation. According to a few doctors, and nurses in my family, why I didn’t have a massive stroke or simply have my heart stop or explode in my chest is a miracle (I tell everyone now that I am THE favorite child of a GOOD GOOD DADDY). I thank GOD for the day my heart appeared to have stopped and my husband called 911. I feel strongly it was GOD allowing the physical me to get a restart so HE could get my mental and spiritual man restarted as well! I spent about 6 more months walking in fear and what IFs.  Then after a heart procedure as my physical healing progressed and my doctor uttered these simple words, “GO LIVE YOUR LIFE and quit worrying” I finally realized that I may have (did) let the enemy in my head way past what I wanted to admit to, and the truth was I made all those excuses to hide that fact from myself. I started to question my questioning. I started looking at why I felt so dry spiritually. I started to address my identity with GOD and what HE really wanted from me. I kept banging on the door of Heaven for an answer AND a few days ago I finally got a public answer to my question. 

    Now here we are… once I started asking the right questions to the right SOURCE, and I got public in the right setting about what I understood the answer to be… Holy Spirit has been a chattering away ever since!!!! Seriously though, God is probably relieved HE finally has my attention. HE has me laser focused on a few things, one of those things is a book that I bought in 2020 that has laid on my desk for over a year. I had started flipping through it a few months ago when our senior Pastor started meddling, uhm I mean teaching on a subject that is near and dear to my heart. When I got home after the service I got public and answered in (nothing speaks louder than being the first front and center at an alter call and you not realizing it til you are already up there… 😂) I decided that until I really read this book nothing else was going to distract me.  And that is when I came across this: "Jesus didn't even address the identity part of this question. Jesus knew who He was. He brought the situation right into a heavenly perspective."[1]  Y’all IT shook me to my core!!! Holy Spirit started whispering in my ear, “you were already sick in 2019 but didn’t know it.  You had heard GOD right and stepped out in faith in the right direction AND that put a target on you, but G O D knew what was coming the time was not wasted. He used it to expose and repair things you didn’t realize were killing you physically, mentally, and spiritually. The time is now being redeemed, GET BACK UP OLE GIRL!!!”  Let’s return to Matthew 4:3, The tempter came to him and said, “If you are the Son of God, tell these stones to become bread.” There is that IF but look how Christ answers him in Matthew 4:4, Jesus answered, “It is written: ‘Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.” Jesus did not even address, acknowledge or give the enemy a door to slither into about His identity. 

    So here I am today…  done with addressing my identity with the enemy, done explaining who I am and what I know God has called me to walk in and worrying what others think.  My question to you is, have you been addressing your identity with the RIGHT or the wrong entities?  For me I know I did for a long time, it didn’t change my salvation status, nor did it ever change what G O D had already placed in me, but it did keep me from operating in all I have inside of me. What Christ had on earth we have!!!  What the Pastors, the Evangelist, the Prophets, and Healers have we already have inside of us as believers as well. We simply must learn to no longer address our identity with the enemy… AND start addressing the issues that are in front of us from a heavenly perspective just as Christ did in the desert.

    I pray you know who you really are and walk in all the peace and power that is yours by right as a child of the Most High God! Now let me go address some things as GOD would have me to! 

Selah

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[1] Beni Johnson, The Happy Intercessor, p96

Bridges... Revival... Going Home

WHEW... after a post I made earlier I kept hearing that I needed to go back to the first post of 2011 in this blog... a year that was a hard awful road of me being widowed and losing everything including myself for a few years afterwards. Today re-reading it NINE YEARS LATER was a FULL CIRCLE  moment with G O D for this daughter.  HIS REASONS...HIS TIMING... THE LESSONS... THE COMPASSION & LOVE OF THE FATHER FOR ME!!!

HEAR ME... IF YOU DON'T READ ANYTHING BUT THIS.... I don't share this to show  how "spiritual" I am. I share this because when you get to know my story... you also get to see how FAR HE will go and HOW much HE will forgive to bring one of HIS back into the fold. To WHOMEVER is suppose to see this: Baby there is nothing you've done or will do that disqualifies you from HIS love and forgiveness!! Come on home... your FATHER  never gave up on you!


Twenty Til’ Midnight AKA Nora's Spiritual Closet: I have a picture of a beautiful bridge that is cal...: I have a picture of a beautiful bridge that is called Crossing Over it is a painting by James Nesbit. I bought the picture about two years ...

LOSS, RESTORATION AND OLD STORM DOORS

A few things over the last 2 weeks have brought me to the understanding of how quickly we forget how fortunate and blessed we are… okay let me speak for me, How BLESSED I am! A picture of my front door last week that I almost didn’t post was my wake up call for me to take a step back and reflect on how far I have come in the last 8 years and how much I truly have to be grateful for in my life. 

Eight years ago this month, I was in the middle of packing up and leaving my home of 6 ½ years. I was a widow of just over 6 mths in possible foreclosure in the middle of settling an estate that consisted of a house I could not pay for, a beat up eight-year-old car and personal belongings. No life insurance and no assurance I would even eat tomorrow if it were not for my daughter and church family taking care of me. I was an emotional and spiritual wreck and why someone had not at that point checked me in to an institution is a miracle. Now that all being said I was great at pretending on the outside most days and especially on Sunday, so I guess I did just enough to stay free! When the estate closed and the house sold, I was handed a check for $68 and thankfully still had the title to that 8 ½ year old car that looked rough but still ran, clothes that no longer fit and some furniture and nothing else. My heart and spirit were shattered, and I was mad Mad MAD at GOD and most people. I walked away from GOD, my church family gave up on life getting better and looked for the quickest path to self-destruction. In the mist of my rebellion as I willfully sought to return to my old life prior to my relationship with G O D, I thought I found the perfect way to do so in a relationship with a gentleman I had recently met. Funny thing happened though… said gentleman was also on his own rebellion walk and we had a lot of talks about that God we were running away from and how we felt let down by HIM and life. Then somewhere along the way we realized that G O D was probably above nudging Peter giggling a little at us saying, “see Pete I told you so, they are perfect for each other.” Us meeting in the mist of our pain and anger at GOD was part of the plan, HIS plan… even in our rebellion we may have given up but HE never ever gave up on us! When we really understood that, we repented took the steps to bring our lives in to alignment with God’s word and then sought HIM for what HE wanted next from us… 

Fast forward to this picture and the title of this blog… As part of a facebook group I took this picture of my Red Framed Door to post. My first thought was OH look at that old storm door, I am so ashamed of that old door and my ribbon is so plain as I am not creative, so I am not going to post it!! REALLY!!! Here I am in my own home again after almost being homeless 8 years ago. With the man I love and who loves me who I know that I know GOD has blessed me with despite my rebellion. Not only that but HE has restored me in many ways in my walk with HIM and in my life. I am in the process of starting my own business and honestly I have more now than I did 8 years ago… and all I can do is worry what someone is going to say about a old storm door on my fixer up house that we haven’t replaced yet!!! We have plans to redo the front of the house and I believe with all my heart GOD will provide the means to do that. BUT in that moment where did that shame come from and what was wrong with me that I allowed it to take hold of me??? I believe sometimes we too often forget to stop and reflect from time to time on where we were and what HE brought us through. In my case not once but multiple times in my life. I should have not made it out of childhood, yet here I am 57 years old. As a teenager and young adult, I put myself in harms way and others did their best to destroy me and despite my best efforts to end my own life on more than a few occasions… here I am. When my world fell apart in 2011 instead of turning to GOD who had already proven faithful… I turned away. But once again HE proved faithful, sheltered me, provided for, and kept me safe until HE could bring me back to my senses. That moment of shame only lasted for a moment and this picture is posted in that group… with a little story about it. But I needed to have a talking to myself and G O D about it and I am glad I learned something from it. Now if my moment of being real and raw helps someone not make the mistakes I made in the past or keeps someone for feeling shame today, then I will post the picture of that old storm door everywhere…. Because what it really represents is RESTORATION!

"The Lord blessed the latter part of Job’s life more than the former part." Job 42:12a

Get Your Boots On Time to Crossover!!

Then Joshua said to the sons of Israel, “Come here, and hear the words of the Lord your God.” 10 Joshua said, “By this you shall know that the living God is among you, and that He will assuredly dispossess from before you the Canaanite, the Hittite, the Hivite, the Perizzite, the Girgashite, the Amorite, and the Jebusite. 11 Behold, the ark of the covenant of the Lord of all the earth is crossing over ahead of you into the Jordan. 12 Now then, take for yourselves twelve men from the tribes of Israel, one man for each tribe. 13 It shall come about when the soles of the feet of the priests who carry the ark of the Lord, the Lord of all the earth, rest in the waters of the Jordan, the waters of the Jordan will be cut off, and the waters which are flowing down from above will stand in one heap.” 14 So when the people set out from their tents to cross the Jordan with the priests carrying the ark of the covenant before the people, 15 and when those who carried the ark came into the Jordan, and the feet of the priests carrying the ark were dipped in the edge of the water (for the Jordan overflows all its banks all the days of harvest), 16 the waters which were flowing down from above stood and rose up in one heap, a great distance away at Adam, the city that is beside Zarethan; and those which were flowing down toward the sea of the Arabah, the Salt Sea, were completely cut off. So the people crossed opposite Jericho. 17 And the priests who carried the ark of the covenant of the Lord stood firm on dry ground in the middle of the Jordan while all Israel crossed on dry ground, until all the nation had finished crossing the Jordan.  Joshua 3:9-17

But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for God’s own possession, so that you may proclaim the excellencies of Him who has called you out of darkness into His marvelous light;  1 Peter 2:9

First and foremost there is a promise to us from GOD that HE would deal with all the “ites” for us… and that includes “Covid-19 ite” we just need to walk in that promise and stop this panic of unbelief!!! We as Believers should be on the front line… in the parking lots of hospitals praying with family who can’t enter the building to be with their loved ones. Making sure ALL elderly and others in our community who we are aware of have the basic necessities; checking on those whom we know suffer from depression or anxiety and may need that extra 10 minutes of our time and wherever else we may be needed. We are the Priest of our time and we need to start acting like it! They were first into the flooded river… they held their ground the middle of that river (the GAP) until the ENTIRE nation… the ENTIRE nation of Israel crossed over! Do you really understand how many people that had have been? They had been wandering around in the desert for 40 years… how many do you think they added to the numbers? AND THEN and only once everyone else was on the other side did they, still carrying Ark of the Covenant come up behind them into the Promise Land. And as always, the people were covered all round by the presence of GOD. We now carry that PRESENCE in us as believers so whenever we STEP into a situation, we bring HIM with us… think on that for a minute.  We the so-called believers/intercessors of this generation need to be praying and praying without ceasing until we are on the other side of this.  We also need to shut up any prayers that start with judgement.... God did not have Joshua appoint morality police who screened who would get across the Jordan and who would not… GOD dealt with the last generation of Israelites harshly but this generation was allowed AS A WHOLE to come into the promise land… warts and all!!! We need to shut our mouths, set our agendas aside and simply get on our knees and seek God’s face until this thing is gone. We also need to show love and be known by the TRUE fruit the REAL SPIRIT of GOD will produce. WE… THE CHURCH needs to strap on our work boots and get about the business of our FATHER!!