A few things over the last 2 weeks have brought me to the understanding of how quickly we forget how fortunate and blessed we are… okay let me speak for me, How BLESSED I am! A picture of my front door last week that I almost didn’t post was my wake up call for me to take a step back and reflect on how far I have come in the last 8 years and how much I truly have to be grateful for in my life.
Eight years ago this month, I was in the middle of packing up and leaving my home of 6 ½ years. I was a widow of just over 6 mths in possible foreclosure in the middle of settling an estate that consisted of a house I could not pay for, a beat up eight-year-old car and personal belongings. No life insurance and no assurance I would even eat tomorrow if it were not for my daughter and church family taking care of me. I was an emotional and spiritual wreck and why someone had not at that point checked me in to an institution is a miracle. Now that all being said I was great at pretending on the outside most days and especially on Sunday, so I guess I did just enough to stay free! When the estate closed and the house sold, I was handed a check for $68 and thankfully still had the title to that 8 ½ year old car that looked rough but still ran, clothes that no longer fit and some furniture and nothing else. My heart and spirit were shattered, and I was mad Mad MAD at GOD and most people. I walked away from GOD, my church family gave up on life getting better and looked for the quickest path to self-destruction. In the mist of my rebellion as I willfully sought to return to my old life prior to my relationship with G O D, I thought I found the perfect way to do so in a relationship with a gentleman I had recently met. Funny thing happened though… said gentleman was also on his own rebellion walk and we had a lot of talks about that God we were running away from and how we felt let down by HIM and life. Then somewhere along the way we realized that G O D was probably above nudging Peter giggling a little at us saying, “see Pete I told you so, they are perfect for each other.” Us meeting in the mist of our pain and anger at GOD was part of the plan, HIS plan… even in our rebellion we may have given up but HE never ever gave up on us! When we really understood that, we repented took the steps to bring our lives in to alignment with God’s word and then sought HIM for what HE wanted next from us…
Fast forward to this picture and the title of this blog… As part of a facebook group I took this picture of my Red Framed Door to post. My first thought was OH look at that old storm door, I am so ashamed of that old door and my ribbon is so plain as I am not creative, so I am not going to post it!! REALLY!!! Here I am in my own home again after almost being homeless 8 years ago. With the man I love and who loves me who I know that I know GOD has blessed me with despite my rebellion. Not only that but HE has restored me in many ways in my walk with HIM and in my life. I am in the process of starting my own business and honestly I have more now than I did 8 years ago… and all I can do is worry what someone is going to say about a old storm door on my fixer up house that we haven’t replaced yet!!! We have plans to redo the front of the house and I believe with all my heart GOD will provide the means to do that. BUT in that moment where did that shame come from and what was wrong with me that I allowed it to take hold of me??? I believe sometimes we too often forget to stop and reflect from time to time on where we were and what HE brought us through. In my case not once but multiple times in my life. I should have not made it out of childhood, yet here I am 57 years old. As a teenager and young adult, I put myself in harms way and others did their best to destroy me and despite my best efforts to end my own life on more than a few occasions… here I am. When my world fell apart in 2011 instead of turning to GOD who had already proven faithful… I turned away. But once again HE proved faithful, sheltered me, provided for, and kept me safe until HE could bring me back to my senses. That moment of shame only lasted for a moment and this picture is posted in that group… with a little story about it. But I needed to have a talking to myself and G O D about it and I am glad I learned something from it. Now if my moment of being real and raw helps someone not make the mistakes I made in the past or keeps someone for feeling shame today, then I will post the picture of that old storm door everywhere…. Because what it really represents is RESTORATION!
"The Lord blessed the latter part of Job’s life more than the former part." Job 42:12a
