Clutter, chaos and hopelessness cause many to come to a standstill… me it causes me to come to a standstill. For the last several months my schedule, unexpected life events, unfulfilled hopes and dreams have collied causing confusion, fear, and lack of focus in my life. I am also starting to realize that the closer I get to my 60th Birthday (237 days) the many unfilled hopes & dreams I have carried in my heart for so long are causing a lot of my spiritual & mental chaos. Most days I just feel so overwhelmed that I simply don’t start… I feel wore out and passed my prime so why not just sit and let things pile up and life passed me by. This morning my cluttered desk started speaking to me … it whispered its desire to be cleaned, reorganized, and made useful again. It sighed and whispered, we started out with the best intentions to be a place of work and study yet now I am simply the catcher of stuff and trolling facebook. My devotionals and Bibles called out to me to remember them and come spend time with God (don’t panic I did not hear any voices, please don’t call a Doctor LOL). Somewhere along the way the dreams I dreamed of coming to pass at this desk were buried. Between unexpected life events, loss of a family member, and just lack of motivation has turned my place of peace and refuge into a place of chaos and disorder. Not sure if this chaos started in my mental, spiritual, or home realm but regardless of where it started, it has slowly cluttered and claimed all three areas. As this entire thought process was working its way from my head to my heart, I realized that I simply had to choose to start again. Perfection wasn’t required just the will to start. So, I started at the desk I am now sitting and writing at. I threw out way more than I thought I would and found things I forgot I had. I came across an item that I have had for over 20 years that has sat with me at many desks. Then I felt God whisper clearly to my spirit to let it go … just let go. So, I literally walked to my trash can and threw the item away. Now 2 hours later as I started writing this post/novella, I felt the need to go retrieve it. As I am looking at it as it sits once more on my desk, I understand it was not a little silly stuffed frog He was trying to get me to let go of. He was trying to get me to understand that I needed to let go of my expectations about how life should be, my fear of growing older and my timing for when He should have fulfilled those hopes and dreams. They aren’t deferred it is just about timing and He hasn’t forgotten them or me. I am not Him and I can’t control EVERYTHING…. life will get messy and chaos will happen from time to time. BUT if I will remember to lean on Him in these moments, He will make order and sense out of the chaos. Like me this tattered little frog has gotten a littler rougher around the edges due to its age, but it still serves a propose, just like I do. I just need to keep my eyes firmly focused on Him instead of the chaos and fear. I must keep expectation in my heart, my mind and in my home for what is coming!!!!
#thebestisyettocome
