Lesson's I learned from my husband

Lesson’s I learned from my husband

I was listening to the song the other day Bless the Broken Road by Rascal Flatts. It was our wedding song when my deceased husband and I were married almost 7 years ago.  I was worried it would cause a flood of tears and pain, it did not. It did cause a flood of happy memories, wishful dreams that did not come true and understanding that sometimes we can’t always see the bigger picture.  As I was walking and listening, I kept hitting repeat trying to figure out what I was feeling and hearing in my heart and spirit. I realized that my husband who was a part of the broken road I am still on and while he was on the road with me he taught me some very important lessons in 6 ½ year. Lessons that will serve me well for the rest of my life and I want to share a few of those lessons here, for your amusement or maybe as a way of showing that even in lose there is good that can be found.

11)      A hardhead makes for soft a** (translation: butt) -  My husband was wont to say I was a bit stubborn and I was a woman who loved to get her way.  I am not stubborn more like one track minded. I get a thought in my head on how it should go or be done and I sometimes can’t see another’s point of view.  My husband was the child of a farmer and farmed some himself as an adult, he knew about farming and he knew about land.  But when we (meaning me) decided to start an heirloom vegetable business I studied the organic ways of handling the land and basic farming methods and techniques.  When I excitedly shared my new knowledge of farming and the way we were going to do it, my husband was amused to put it nicely.  But I was going to have my way in this so I talked and talked and he finally gave in to hush me up!  So we set out on our grand adventure… We tilled up the land to my specifications… him alternating between huffing and laughing. We planted EVERYTHING by hand and I decided on spacing, row size etc.  The first year was our experimenting year which is why I am sure there wasn’t more back lash to my new farming methods.  So here we go, first thing that took me by surprise was rain, as in too much of it early on and not nearly enough later in the growing season.  Everything we planted in the flat I so demanded we plant at was either washed away or moved over til our rows looked like coiled snakes.  The year we decided to do this was the first of 2 years of major rainfall and flooding in the spring.  So we ended up having to replant about 50% of our vegetables.  Then for the rest of the year there was almost no rain at all.  I had vegetables spread all over with no way to water them and that caused way more work than it should have been. Then my spacing lead to vegetables to close or to spread out which made it hard to get a tiller down between rows and that meant weeding was a nightmare. My husband did his best to explain to me farming was a lot like gambling sometimes you win, sometimes you don’t. Gambling is something that makes me sick to my stomach after the first $20.00 is spent so when some of my gambling did not pay off, I realized I should have listened more and read less.  After the first year I learned a few things… he was way smarter than I gave him credit for, he had the patience of Job and he should have put his foot down with me and made me see the sense of his way of farming.  I am not a woman who would buck his final word, but a few days of me pouting was not something he handled well… I was a wee bit spoiled, so I got away with more than I should have. LOL

22)      Real men can say no and still love their wives as Christ loved the Church – As I stated earlier my husband often let me get away with more than I should have, but there were times in our lives when he did not back down.  He made decision based on a few simple principles: Was it going to cause me harm.  Was it going to cause harm to our marriage.  Did the benefit out way the cost. Please notice the order of those principles that was his order not mine, I and our marriage came first with him ALWAYS.  In the entire time we were married we only had one true fight and it was very early in our marriage. It was not a pretty thing and I will not expose him or myself with the details, but the bottom line was this, I was spending more time taking care of everyone and everything else I was involved in than I was investing time in our relationship the way that I should. I of course was explaining how important everything I was doing was, after all 75% of what I was doing involved church.  But he was not going to let this one alone and I finally saw his way, well not really at first but I gave cause I cannot abide strife.  He however was right and I stopped being on call 24/7 and I made a promise that he got at least one day a week of my undivided time  Most weeks he got more time and others we worked together on my project of the week.  It taught me balance and it taught me to include him in anything he was willing to be a part of and to let him sit out anything he did not want to be a part of. He taught me to respect his and others choices.  He taught me that real love was not only protecting me from the big bad world but it was also protecting me from myself.

33)      Fussing in the back of a boat will not get you any closer to the bank but it will get you a trolling motor of your own. -  Now fishing and camping was our favorite thing to do.  We loved to be in a boat all day, getting all sunburned and smelling like fish or just bait, depending on how the fishing went.  I am a crappie fishing bank hugging fool; he on the other hand alternated  between sitting 3 inches off the bank brimm fishing or 10 foot off a bank just trolling.  Made me insane… I never knew if I was going to be in a tree unable to jig or so far out I could not get the line out…. I fussed & fussed, I whined… so one day I come home to find he has tied (think Jethro Bodine) a trolling motor to the back of the boat just for me.   First trip out I was excited, I finally had some control over the boat… every true southern woman’s dream!   My excitement didn’t last long, it was work and it was frustrating.  About the time I got the boat where I wanted the wind would blow it out of position or he would shift and I spent more time wrestling with that stupid trolling motor than I did fishing.  I quickly realized that I had made him feel that nothing he did was right and I was stealing the pleasure he took in fishing with me. Needless to say, I was a little ashamed of myself.  I learned that if you want to be part of the solution to a problem that there will be work involved and whining is never the answer to a problem. He taught me to look at problems from another point of view (see the theme here LOL).  He never took the trolling motor off the boat, it was there when my stepson bought the boat from me after his death.  I think he realized I needed the constant reminder of it and truthfully he simply enjoyed teaching me this lesson, we laughed often about that Bodined’ trolling motor.

On a daily basis I have opportunity to use and remember these lessons so loving taught me by my husband.  These are things that I will carry with me for the rest of my life, not as sorrowful burdens, but as valuable tools and evidence of his great love for me.  That love so much like Christ’s love for us.  When God has to teach us a lesson or allow us to face the consequences of our actions, it is always covered in love and in the end meant for our good. I lost my husband, my home and my entire way of life… yet I am still here and I still have a purpose and there is still a plan for my life. Good will come from what was meant to crush us if we will hold on and believe.